It was a Sunday night and we wanted popcorn but also frozen coke.
There was only one option: we had to pay $97.45 to go to the movies.
We’d heard a lot about The Favourite. We knew it starred Olivia Colman who we love from such roles as the detective in Broadchurch but also the detective in Broadchurch season 2 and also the detective in Broadchurch season 3. There was also an Emma Stone, a Rachel Weisz and that guy from About a Boy who’s all grown up now.
But after sitting in a cinema for approximately four hours watching this critically-acclaimed period drama, we had the same response.
Here's a brief overview.
Abigail (Emma Stone) arrives at a castle to meet her long lost cousin, Sarah (Rachel Weisz) who happens to be in an intense lesbian relationship with the Queen (Olivia Colman). Obviously.
Abigail finds out about their sexual affair and decides that she wants herself some of that.
Did we mention Queen Anne has gout? Well, she has gout. On her foot. And rabbits. They're unrelated to the gout. Or are they? (Yes).
When Sarah finds out that Abigail has been seducing the Queen she gets mad but then Abigail spikes her tea with... drugs?... and she collapses off her horse and almost dies.
Look, we won't give away the ending, mostly because we don't understand it, but let's just say the story gets even more bizarre from there.
As one reviewer wrote on a very much un-moderated online forum, it has "masterbtion in it" and is rude and "vulur" and omg so true.
The thing is, however, we don't mind a bit of 'vulur'. It's fine. We're not offended or prudish.
But we do not understand why that man was masturbating. Or the nature of anyone's relationships with each other. Or why there was always a fish-eye lens as though this was filmed on a Go Pro from 2010.