Our favourite ’90s cult classic is getting a remake. And we have very mixed feelings.
It’s official: Supernatural thriller The Craft is being remade. The 1996 cult film will be remade by Sony under the direction of young American director Leigh Janiak, according to The Hollywood Reporter— and it’s likely to hit big screens as early as 2017.
While we welcome the opportunity to revisit our youths (let’s face it, we all watched the original at least 40 times), we do wish Hollywould would realise you can’t improve on PERFECTION.
But since the wheels are already in motion, the real question on our lips — apart from whether the movie will still feature a surplus of chokers and over-the-knee socks, of course — is who’ll be cast in the modern-day version.
Here are our picks.
To play Sarah:
Sarah, the new girl at school, has natural *witch powers* that allow the coven to cast more powerful spells than ever before.
Key to casting this role? A wide-eyed, fresh-faced look and a hint of sass.
To play Nancy:
Nancy’s the leader of the group. She’s also interested in black magic, making her the baddest of witches.
Key to this role: Resting Bitch Face (and the ability to pull of wine-coloured lipstick).
To play Bonnie:
Obviously, nobody can beat Neve Campbell at playing this insecure but rather sweet character, whose main motivation in spell-casting is ridding herself of the burn scars on her back.
If we HAD to pick, we’d go for someone with a sultry-girl-next-door kind of vibe. Someone like:
To play Rochelle:
Rochelle, the most level-headed and, well, normal of the pack of witches, is a talented swimmer — and the bullying target of the school racist.
It’s hard to imagine a remade version being half as addictive as the original — particularly if they go all Sex and the City Movie on us and swap the “girl power” message for politically incorrect fashion montages (please, God, no.)
Fortunately, Janiak — best known for her 2014 debut Honeymoon — has signalled she’s planning the remake to be a story, first and foremost, as one of female empowerment.
But, really, as long as they keep the “light as a feather, stiff as a board” scene? We think we’ll be alright.
Other very important ’90s films (that they’d better not try to remake):