Because we Can Can Can. Geddit?
Warning: This post is very NSFW. There is a video. There are breasts. You were warned.
Hello. Can you hold a Coke can between your boobs?
Really? Congratulations, you’re curing cancer.
The human body is an amazing thing. Even pre-social media (yes, there was a time…) across hundreds of centuries and thousands of cultures people have been asking their bodies to do incredible things – think Indian body piercing for Thaipusam, huge ear-stretching jewellery in Nigeria, or ornamental neck-stretching rings in both Africa and Thailand. Oh, and Puppetry of the Penis. We mustn’t forget Puppetry of the Penis.
These days, oversharing platforms like Instagram and Facebook mean that everyone can show off the things they can do with their bits on the behalf of a trending hashtag or trendy social cause. The latest offering to virally infect our news feeds today is associated with the dubious title of #HoldACokeCanWithYourBoobsChallenge. Fairly self explanatory, no?
Let’s unpack what we’re looking at here.
A variety of ample-bosomed womenfolk whipping off their tops to suspend a can or bottle of Coke-Cola between their boobs, all in the name of breast cancer awareness.
The aim of the game is to keep the can (or bottle) between B1 and B2 whilst carefully arranging your hair and/or gaffer tape over your nipples as to hide your nipples because nipples are just way too sexy, ammiright? Nipples.
Claiming ownership of this genius movement is a young lady named Gemma Jaxx who hails from the US. No, she’s not a porn star. Yes, we were all thinking it. Gemma is an amateur model you guys, and describes herself as “just another fun-loving girl who does some modelling.” Gemma likes to pose with guns and motorcycles and has an affinity for netted tops and camouflage. See?
After a bit of digging, it came to light that whilst Gemma did start the #HoldACokeCanWithYourBoobsChallenge, she did not intend it as a rallying cause to encourage fellow womenfolk to get a mammogram. She just wanted to show erryone she could hold a can of coke between her boobs. Which, admittedly, is pretty cool.
Teaming up with adult entertainment talent scout Dan Frost, the hashtag was made official and promoted across the breast-riddled Internet as a viral wave of titillating success, with women showing off their gravity-defying skills worldwide… but still with no intention of associating it with breast cancer awareness.
“We were making fun of all these other challenges. Like the one for bigger lips and stepping on the flag. We never thought it would take off like it did. But it did. And then people started posting it was for charity and it was for breast cancer awareness. We had never plan on that nor thought of it. But since that’s what people want to do it for, we said why not do something good with this. So we went with it.”
– Gemma’s post on the official page.
So there you have it. The magic of the Internet once again taking one thing and microwaving it into something else.
However, the question remains: Is holding a coke can between your breasts really going to encourage women to get mammograms? Did throwing a bucket of water of your head actually help raise awareness for ALS/MND? It sure is a very modern moral dilemma, however not one that’s unprecedented for the world of charity or healthcare.
Before it was soft-drink with soft-core porn, it was champagne-fuelled ladies’ lunches in the name of a good cause. It was telethons where B-grade celebs scrambled to get their faces on TV. It was T-shirts, fun-runs, pin-on-daffodils, red noses, and little pink ribbons. So – what’s the difference? Is any publicity actually good publicity? Should we turn our nose up at a PR stunt – albeit an accidental one – that thrust great cans (holding cans) into the spotlight?
I come from a family riddled with breast cancer, on both my maternal and paternal side. I have lost an aunt, and almost lost a grandmother to it.
Since my early teens I have been grilled on early-detection processes and regular mammograms. And so, yes – I find the concept of sexualising a critical healthcare process to be demeaning to women and completely unnecessary.
For a small-boobed-sister like myself, the prospect of holding an entire can of coke (LET ALONE A BOTTLE) in between my fried-eggs-on-meat-hook titties is as likely as a small swine flying past my office window. I can’t even hold up a boob-tube bikini top.
And yet – regardless of the #HoldACokeCanWithYourBoobsChallenge’s murky beginnings – maybe this will be at least one person’s first foray into breast checks. Maybe this will remind someone to make a booking for a mammogram.
Perhaps it will simply open up the conversation in the lunchroom about breast cancer, and how to avoid it. So for that reason, I back the Boobs Challenge.
And besides, now we all know that fake boobs can do so much more than just exist autonomously from a bra, or act as floatation devices. They can act as drink holders, too!
Fights in the car about whose coffee gets the centre console? SOLVED!
Rude people in the movie theatre putting their frozen coke in your cup holder? SOLVED!
Struggling to stir your dinner, and send a text, and drink a glass of wine all at the same time? SOLVED!
Hurrah. The Internet saves the day.
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