WE BLOODY MADE IT. (And considering this was just boring “front garden” week, let’s keep it short and sweet, shall we? We all have families and lives and comparably shitty houses to get back to.)
But before we get into picket fences and heritage features and yada yada yada, there’s an urgent matter we need to discuss. This, reader friends. We need to discuss this:
I don't think I need to remind anyone that just a couple of short weeks ago, in backyard week, Clint and Hannah were royally roasted by one Shaynna Blaze for their "skanky teabag".
Her exact words in episode 41 were: "You've got a skanky teabag hanging there... if you're going to have someone [sitting] there with a tea, take the teabag out."
Tea lovers right around Australia were shocked - nay - appalled by the comments. How dare Shaynna Blaze judge us for leaving the teabag in. We leave it in because we're BUSY, goddammit, and sometimes we don't have time to sit around and wait for the bloody brewing process. It's not skanky, it's time efficient, Shaynna.
But just two weeks on? Hannah and Clint presented another skanky teabag, only for Shaynna to comment: "You can imagine just sitting here... you can just have a cup of tea and peer above the fence and take in the street."
... soz wot.
My only guess is Shaynna, in the weeks between filming, was pulled over to the dark side of Skanky Teabag-ism and now sees precisely why we all leave our teabags in. If that's the case, welcome to a world of disproportionately strong tea, Shaynna. So glad you could join us. Brace yourself for those last few sips!
Hannah and Clint: 23.5/30
In keeping with tradition, Hannah and Clint came dead last. They just had to do it for us all one more time.
Considering it looks like a toy doll house, I'm quite fond of it... but I'm a skanky teabag fanatic so what do I know about style and class? NOTHING.
Click through to see Hannah and Clint's front garden...
Ronnie and Georgia: 25.5/30
I think we can all agree on the fact that Ronnie and Georgia's Big Black House would've looked swell if it was not SMACK BANG IN THE MIDDLE of four other grey, super dainty homes.
It just looks... weird. Like all the houses are being pulled into a black hole. Or like it's dressing up for Halloween. Or like Bella and Mortimer Goth from The Sims would live there.
Not. A. Fan.
Click through to see Ronnie and Georgia's front garden...
Josh and Elyse: 26/30
While these two normally nail it, their front garden was just a bit meh. Mostly because it looks precisely how Shaynna described it - "nana's house" - there's really very little else to say here.
Click through to see Josh and Elyse's front garden...
Jason and Sarah: 28/30
If you ask me, this house exterior/front garden was by far the best. My brain hurts because I'm still trying to figure out how a "sunken potplant" works (wizardry? sorcery? Apollo from The Bachelorette?) but Jason and Sarah's house was deserving of a perfect score in my
totally and completely unqualified opinion.
Click through to see Jason and Sarah's front garden...
Sticks and Wombat: 28.5/30
Sticks and Wombat's front garden is fine, don't get me wrong, but dear god I have an overwhelming urge to bin those ugly chairs and cushions and give those wooden poles a wee bitta paint.
Seriously, though, those wooden poles look naked.
I'm a teeny tiny bit confused as to how this house was considered better than Jason and Sarah's, which officially makes this the 183859th week of The Block where all I can think is "but why?" at the final scores.
Click through to see Sticks and Wombat's front garden...
What was your favourite house? Let me know in the comments below, or on my Facebook page.
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