WE MADE IT, READER FRIENDS.
We waded through endless shitty bedroom weeks, laundry week, and “hallway week” (still not a thing) and we got there. To backyard week, which is literally the best week on this entire show.
Mostly because the backyards are so ~luxurious~ and it’s just absolutely obscene, but also because we got to see Ronnie and Georgia’s faces contort in ways we didn’t think were possible.
There’s not a throw cushion in sight. I feel like we’ve earned this.
As is tradition on this show, we needed to panic about the teams not getting water in their pools before the judges’ arrival. This faux stress filled up about 157 minutes of the Australian people’s time. After which, we learned they all filled their pools well before they needed to… because, well, come on.
Hannah and Clint: 22/30
Tonight Hannah and Clint delivered a high-end backyard that Neil Whittaker likened to solitary confinement.
Which… yep.
The yard’s ineptitude to adequately please rich people did teach us some valuable life lessons, though. Namely, they were:
- It’s fine to have a big arse deck in your backyard… but you better make sure it’s in proportion with the rest of the space.
- Never leave a “skanky teabag” (Shaynna’s words, not mine) in your presentation tea cup. That is tres skanky.
- Finally, spas are for dirty cheap bogans, especially when they have speakers and disco lights installed.
Let’s dissect point 3, shall we?
According to the judges, spas are SO “20 years ago” and are “just not for this area” (that’s code for: they are not for rich people). Not only did they liken the heated vessel of water to something for a “Bachelor pad… or Playboy”, Shaynna became so distressed she said: “Ugh I can’t even look at it.”
She couldn’t even look at the tragic bogan-ness of it all.
But spas being the new Southern Cross tattoos just feels so… unfair. They’re now in the same category as tramp stamps and Collingwood supporters and it doesn’t feel right.
This cuts deep considering spas are like my favourite thing aside from Singapore noodles and ugg boots and those bumper stickers of naked chicks but who am I to question Queen Shaynna?
Top Comments
I'm with the judges, I hate spa baths (inside and outside).....grubby, germ infested swamps in my opinion :))
Sorry but Shana was right - that style of spa is so dated. It reminded me of Sims 2! Not sure why everyone was so desperate to have pools in their yards when there was so little space to begin with, and the above-ground ones looked so out of place.