A girlfriend discovered this the hard way during a conversation with her daughter last week. “We’d just finished reading a brand new copy of “Where Did I Come From?” and I was congratulating myself on getting through it without giggling inappropriately” she told me.
“Then I asked if she had any questions and straight away, she hits me with this: “How do lesbians have babies?”” To her credit, my friend didn’t miss a beat and carefully explained the various ways two women might make a baby. I think she should have been grateful that her daughter hadn’t asked, “How do lesbians have sex?” Just babies. That’s a win right there.
Look, she shouldn’t have been that surprised to find herself discussing turkey basters, sperm banks and IVF with a nine year old. The family has lesbian friends with a baby so gay procreation is in her daughter’s orbit. Like most kids these days, this little girl already knows stuff I only discovered decades later.
So what’s changed since we learnt about sex from Where Did I Come From? Two things. Via the Internet, music videos, rap lyrics, train-wreck celebrities, reality TV and news and current affairs shows, kids are exposed to a million things we weren’t. Also, happily, social mores have evolved so that once taboo topics like homosexuality have gained widespread acceptance.
The result? The facts of life aren’t what they used to be. Oh no. After the baby-making basics, there are some very modern addendums.
One friend’s eight-year-old son wanted to know about IVF. He’d heard the term in conversation and on TV and was wondering if it stood for “International Vagina Foundation.” No, but perhaps it should.
And don’t forget safe sex. Generation X parents, thoroughly scarred by the Grim Reaper campaign of our youth have to throw in a mandatory PS about condoms. Fun.
Having made a simple yet impassioned speech to her ten-year-old about the importance of safe sex, one friend’s son asked “so where do you buy condoms from?” When she replied “Oh, from the chemist or the supermarket” he was incredulous. “No WAY! But I’ve been to Woollies loads of times and I’ve never seen them!” Such a rude thing in such an un-rude place! Who knew? Remember being similarly amazed to discover the words “sex” and “penis” were in the dictionary? Such rude words in such a dull book.
So, let’s re-cap. Lesbians? Turkey basters? Condoms? IVF? The Sex Talk has certainly changed in the decades since we had it with our own parents.
“My Mother sat me down with this pastel water colour book with weird pictures,” remembers a Catholic friend, the eldest of five. “It was all very formal and I thought quite revolting. Very uptight and serious. A very Catholic mother doing her best to discuss a subject she had never had a conversation about in her entire life with anyone. All too embarrassing because actually no one ever has sex in Catholic families! They just have children!”