It’s being sold as a “next generation game show,” but I honestly think The Big Music Quiz might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen on Australian television.
It’s a big call, I know. Some truly heinous things have graced our screens over the years. But last night, I was scrolling through the limited options for Sunday night viewing, when my thumb came to a halt.
“What.. .what the f**k is this,” I thought. “What is this? Why. What is happening?”
Why... why is Manu dancing?
Why is everyone yelling SO LOUDLY?
Who are these audience members and how much are they paid to be there?
Why is Manu dancing?
Who are half these people? Are these meant to be famous people?
Are these people on cocaine?
Why is this happening?
Why is Manu dancing?
My initial assumption was that The Big Music Quiz was originally a show from the US, that we'd stolen and made awkward AF by being Australian. But... no. It's based on a French series and we've adopted it and made it so, so terrible.
Basically, there's two teams of four (at least 50% of whom you've never seen before in your life) who answer music trivia questions. The host plays a song (while dancing... and singing along) and all the contestants yell incomprehensibly over the top of each other to name the artist. Then, when they get the answer correct, the song plays for another 10 seconds or so and everyone dances.
The audience, the host, the players. They all just dance and sing as though they're at some kind of party. Except they're on national television and everyone at home is looking at them like this:
I just don't understand why they're dancing. Or who they are. Or why they're on the show.
When one team wins, that team then competes against each other until they're left with one winner. That person wins a... record? Like a trophy? That's it.
OH OH OH. And the losing team performs a song and dance.
While the seemingly fruitless singing and dancing is a vast majority of what's wrong with the show, there are other things too.
For example, the title. The Big Music Quiz. Really. Really? Couldn't get creative? Couldn't think of a goddamn PUN?! No. It's a music quiz and it's big. It's a Big Music Quiz.
The host also seems a little confused by the whole thing. At one point last night, the teams' scores were 18 to 24. Then each team got four points. I'll repeat that: Each team got four points. Darren McMullen then excitedly announced that the losing team were "catching up." I couldn't. It was at that point that I no longer could.
McMullen also gives score updates far too frequently. Especially since no one cares about the score because this show is RIDICULOUS.
I'm also genuinely puzzled as to who the target audience of this show is meant to be. I would think kids, because surely children are the only ones who want to watch grown adults jump around, dance and yell things. But then a large portion of the show is dedicated to songs that most kids wouldn't know.
They're not going to "get" Manu dancing like Elvis Presley. Or a round of songs from the '70s, or '80s, or '90s. How is this fun for anyone?
The only thing that makes me feel slightly better about my passionate rage towards this show is the fact that a lot of people on the Internet appear to be having the same experience. And we all think we're alone.
It feels so fake. Or like they're high? Or maybe both... #bigmusicquiz
— EL (@bythepage) September 18, 2016
This show could well be the worst show ever to be aired on TV! #bigmusicquiz
— kingofkings (@omgitsmatt14) September 18, 2016
There could be twice as many questions if they didn't bloody dance after every freaking answer. #BigMusicQuiz
— Karate Ninja (@Arkady2009) September 18, 2016
#bigmusicquiz There is something very contrived about all the dancing and everyone looking like they are high on drugs.
— Daveo (@inflammatorydev) September 18, 2016
FMD, just when you think local TV couldn't get any more tragic... #BigMusicQuiz #TheBigMusicQuiz
— Michael Phelan (@michaelphweetan) September 18, 2016
I feel like I'm watching an ARIA or Logies after party and all the celebs are wasted and high on coke. #BigMusicQuiz
— ✨ Miss Natski ✨ (@Natski82) September 11, 2016
Ok so they do this after EVERY answer? Really?? ???? #canneddancing #BigMusicQuiz
— caseyu (@CaseyU84) September 11, 2016
I'm genuinely so glad I'm not the only person appalled by the quality of this show. My idea of a nightmare is being asked to be in the audience, and knowing that every 30 seconds some intense producer is going to force you to dance in front of the nation.
I don't think I'll ever understand why this show is on television, or why some people (whom I don't trust) seem to be saying it's "fun."
But at least I can take solace in the fact that out there, somewhere in the big, wide interwebs, there are people who know the truth about this goddamn show.