Are you #TeamRichie or #TeamSasha?

Unfortunately there are times in life when difficult decisions must be made and for Sam Frost, one of those times is rapidly approaching. Not to sound alarmist, but ONE WEEK, SHE ONLY HAS ONE WEEK LEFT TO FIND LOVE.

Our Bachelorette has managed to whittle down her suitors to four, but tonight another must go. And let’s face it, it’s going to be Hot Alex.

Bloody done for, mate.

Until now there’s always been a straggler. A looser-than-the-others piece in the man-Jenga tower of love to be easily tossed aside. But once Alex is inevitably thrown on the pile of discarded wood (lol), things are looking more precarious than ever for our heroine.

Indeed, Sam must choose wisely, lest her tower of romance crumble before she can just abandon the whole game, grab the piece she wants and run away to her happily ever after.

Obscure and over-stretched Jenga metaphor to one side for a moment, A CHOICE MUST BE MADE and that choice is CLEARLY between early front runner Sasha and Hot New Fling Richie. (Sorry Michael, you’re great, but we all know you’re out of here.)

It’s #TeamSasha vs #TeamRichie.

The People are divided too. It’s like Twihards trying to pick between Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.

Like choosing between Colin Firth and a before-he-was-sleazy Hugh Grant.

It’s tough. And there are pros and cons for both sides. (Richie has no cons, Richie is perfect. Sam even said so.)

SASHA.

Sasha started out strong. He was the first to plant one on our Sam way back in episode 3. We all remember it, it was bloody gross.

YUCK. YOU CAN’T LICK HER INTO SUBMISSION.

But Sash is nice. He’s tall. He’s good at sports. He’s bad at feelings, but not so bad at feelings that it’s a problem for Sam, who seems to find his blokey-ness inexplicably endearing.

Last night he showed Sam his “softer side” by collaborating with her on a terrible mural, then playfully drawing a moustache on her face and then smooshing his against it.

Like I said, yuck.

While men like Sashadjshjdfndgfggfb/………g…………

Sorry, fell asleep on my keyboard… While men like Sasha BORE ME TO TEARS, clearly Sam likes him. That’s what she keeps saying anyway.

(SNORE.)

There is undeniable passion there and sometimes the heart just wants what it wants.

I’d like to take a moment though to dwell on my unfounded dislike of former school captain, gainfully employed Sasha, who is by all accounts a gentle giant and lovely, lovely man, to remind everyone that everytime he says hello he looks and sounds exactly like the shark from Finding Nemo.

It’s okay Sam, we’ll save you.

Sasha is good, but he’s not that good.

And then there is Richie. Beautiful Richie with the enviable chin-cleft and made-up job that is clearly not a real job.

The Rope Access Technician had a weak start. On meeting Sam he said “cool bananas” about fifteen times. It was cringe-worthy and it put him on the back foot.

But last week Richie shone. We reached peak Richie. I may have actually had goosebumps.

Sam and Richie took a journey through four hours of make-up, peak-hour traffic and the ravages of time to play one of the hottest games of bingo the Australian people have ever seen on prime time telly.

Dressed as their 76-year-old selves, the couple pretended to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary at the local bowls club and they laughed. All. Day.

Sam actually looked like she might wet her pants at a couple of points:

Probably should have worn a Poise.

And at the end of the date, after a particularly sweet video conference with Richie’s mum and sister, SHE KISSED HIM.

BRB crying.

Sam was gushing in her post-date piece to camera. She was smitten.  She said she finally believed she could be “truly happy again”. She had been having actual, real-life fun.

One thing I’ve noticed about the Bachelorette is that no one ever laughs properly.

People make jokes, but they’re always terrible.

People laugh at them, but they are always just being polite.

When Sam and Richie hung out, for the first time in a long time, Sam actually seemed to enjoy herself.

So, it’s a choice between passion and laughter. Passion fades. Laughter is eternal.

Choose Richie.

Even our Editor-in-Chief is #TeamRichie: