In case you missed it (this is a formality, I know you didn’t) the group date on The Bachelor last night was suitably absurd.
And Keira fuc*ing hated it.
Usually, our Bachelor takes them to the beach/to a random pool in order to adequately a) check out their hot bods in a bikini and b) see what they look like without make up on.
Oh, but not last night.
Last night, Richie took at least 10 women (I literally couldn’t count them all) to roller derby.
What...what is going on? Image via Channel 10.
I didn't know that roller derby existed in Australia, but apparently it does. And to make the date even more watchable, they were made to wear sumo suits for seemingly no reason.
And as I watched Keira hopelessly lying on the floor, like a turtle that had been placed on it's back, I had a realisation.
This image is the perfect metaphor for dating.
It's...it's just so perfect. Image via Channel 10.
If I had to paint an image of dating in 2016...this would be it.
Just like roller derby (WTF) the whole concept of dating is ridiculous.
You really, really put yourself out there.
You get thrown into a competition that you know is going to be embarrassing.
I just...really never thought I'd be Keira. Post continues after video...
You are (metaphorically) skating around a (metaphorical) track with countless other women, doing your best to stand out. Even though they are all much better at
roller derby dating. You're desperately trying to be hot even though you know that's not something you're good at. They are better looking and better dressed and you feel absolutely ridiculous.
There are points, where you're lying in some d*ckheads bed at 3am on a Saturday night and think "how the f*ck did I end up here?" Look at that image, and tell me that it doesn't perfectly represent that feeling.
You wear all your protective gear, like a helmet and knee pads, yet you still end up falling over and hurting yourself. And you look like a GODDAMN FOOL in the process.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN IMAGE THAT I RELATE WITH SO MUCH. Image via Channel 10.
You get figuratively (or in Keira's case...literally) knocked down by the competition.
You try your best to be sexy and glamorous, but in the end you just feel like a little bit of an idiot.
It's painful, not dissimilar to being aggressively pushed over by an enthusiastic woman lookin' for love, on a roller derby track.
Listen to our Bach chat podcast. Post continues below.
But most of all - just like roller skating - dating is just a bit shit.
I'm going to call it, this might just be the most powerful metaphor in all of pop culture history.
If we are to find love (eugh) then we all, to some extent, have to put on our helmets, our roller skates and our knee pads, throw on an absurd sumo suit, and enter the stupid, albeit necessary, race.