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Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH NO. Jamie has gone into full Stage Five Clinger mode.

To catch up on all the Bachelorette Australia 2019 recaps and gossip, check out Mamamia’s recaps and visit our Bachelorette hub page.

SWEET JESUS.

We open on Jamie talking about Jamie in the third person.

Jamie thinks Jamie is on the “level of Timm” now and sweetie, no.

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You did not tell the world’s most convoluted joke involving three men, 588599 ducks, 390945 pigs and a God named Osher.

You also have not worn a single fun hat throughout the season.

NO. 

Anywho, Osher arrives with a date card and then scurries away into the bushes to giggle at Jamie talking about himself in the third person and also to think a bit more about Timm with two Ms’ very silly pig-based joke.

Ciarran gets the single date because of his willy… and also his willy.

Angie decides to take Ciarran on a speedboat to see how he copes with getting his hair wet.

He… doesn’t.

the bachelor australia 2019 recap
SWEETIE IT'S WET FOR YOU.

After Ciarran's worst nightmare, they go sit on a feelings couch and talk about their... feelings.

Angie asks Ciarran why he's a beautiful-angel-sent-from-eccentric-fun-blazer-wearing-heaven and he explains that he likes to look after himself because he had a tough upbringing and also because his grandma is his best friend.

EVERY WOMAN IN AUSTRALIA JUST FELL A LIL' BIT MORE IN LOVE.

The next day when Ciarran is back at the mansion, the guys ask him if he kissed Angie and he refuses to say because his grandma wouldn't like that, innit.

Angie walks in and announces that they're all going to have a group date at the mansion... with her parents.

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Holy Jesus.

Angie's parents arrive and Jamie says he recognises them from Instagram. THAT ENTIRE FAMILY NEEDS TO GO INTO WITNESS PROTECTION. IMMEDIATELY.

the bachelor australia 2019 recap
"WE'RE BEST FRIENDS NOW."

Angie's dad takes five of the guys away to play a game of Truth or Pass.

He asks Ciarran whether he's ever been naked in public and Ciarran tells him about the time he got his willy wonka out for Angie, her best friend, and a bunch of blokes he'd just met.

He then asks Carlin who Angie should steer clear of and all the boys yell out "JAMIE" before getting into the fetal position and rocking back and forth.

Meanwhile, Angie's mum is taking Jamie for a chat. Jamie tells her how he's been low key stalking her daughter for weeks now and also about the time he stole her husband's knickers.

the bachelor australia 2019 recap
"IT'S WEIRD OF ME BUT I WON'T STOP."
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Back at the truth game, Angie's dad asks a miscellaneous man who he doesn't trust in the mansion.

The miscellaneous man says Ryan.

Angie's mum then takes Ryan for a chat. He asks her whether she knew he'd been sliding into Angie's DMs and she says she did.

Meanwhile, Ciarran is telling Angie's dad he doesn't "trust the geezer".

After the weirdest family lunch ever, Angie announces that she's going to get the goss from her parents.

bahc

Jamie is convinced that Angie's mum is going to say really great things about Jamie.

Sweetie, no. We've talked about this. You're stalking the entire family and they're terrified.

Angie's dad tells her she should pick Carlin if she wants to settle down now and Ciarran if she still wants to have fun.

Her mum says Timm with two Ms is gorgeous but her dad thinks he's too much.

Angie's mum then tells her that Jamie is a little bit intense because of that time he stalked her for three weeks and also stole her dad's undies.

Angie suddenly realises where all her locks of hair are going.

Oooooh.

It's cocktail party time.

The boys stand around the campfire and Ciarran tells Jamie how they all threw him under the bus for being a big ole' stalker.

Jamie is genuinely confused as to why stealing a lock of a woman's hair would even come up in casual conversation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Angie arrives at the cocktail party and Jamie runs towards her.

They go for a chat and Angie asks Jamie why the other guys might be concerned about him. He straight up says he's a Stage Five Clinger and proud of it.

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the bachelor australia 2019 recap
"IT WAS FOR MY SPECIAL ANGIE ROOM."

He then tells Angie that he might be "too nice a guy" for her and then tries to throw some of the other guys under the bus but can't go through with it.

It's a weird experience for all of us but mostly for Angie and her lock of hair.

Ssssshhhh.

It's rose ceremony time.

Carlin and his face get a rose.

Timm and his two Ms get a rose.

Ryan and his DMs get a rose.

And then in a twist absolutely everyone saw coming - because RATINGS and DRAMA - Jamie and his stalkin' ways get a rose.

A nice young man named Glenn gets sent home. It's sad for him.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

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Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: Australia just met the creepiest villain in Bachelorette history.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 2: YESSSSSS. Australia's biggest dirtbag is kicked out of the mansion.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 3: A man from Angie's past leaves the mansion divided.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 4: A new frontrunner leaves the rest of the men fuming.

Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH HONEY, NO. Jamie gives Angie a gift that she certainly doesn't want.

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