The adoption diary that will break your heart. And inspire you

Callie Mitchell is a 25 year-old photographer and an exceptionally brave and honest woman. Her diary, which she shared with the Daily Iowan, tells the story of her life, her relationship, her pregnancy and her decision to give up her baby for adoption.

It is both beautiful and heartbreaking. But above all it is inspiring. 

Read the diary entries of this beautiful mother (and click here for the full story including stunning images and videos)

March 25, 2012

I am a day late with my period and woke up in his bed, worried I was pregnant. I got up, walked to the store to get a pregnancy test, and immediately took it when I got back to his apartment. As I sat on the toilet with the pregnancy test on the counter, waiting for the results, my mind raced. I was excited at the thought of being a mom and loving my own child. I had the perfect boyfriend who I was in love with, and we had talked about getting married and having children someday — someday just came sooner than we expected.

When the test showed a positive reading, I sat on the toilet and started crying. All of a sudden I was worried about how he would respond. After I told him, he and I talked for hours. At times, we just sat in silence. He was thinking. At that time, we decided to keep the baby and start the family we had talked about.

March 26, 2012

We told our families today. All of our parents are excited about a new grandchild. I think my dad almost started crying he was so happy. After the father told his mom, she called and talked to me for an hour. Everyone has been very supportive.

Fast forward 2 months to May last year when Callie writes

May 18, 2012

He left me. It’s no one’s fault but my own. The lies had caught up with me, and he couldn’t stand the thought of raising a baby that might not be his. He couldn’t start a family with a girl that gave him every reason not to trust her. I’ve never hated myself so much in my entire life.

May 21, 2012

He wants me to give our baby up for adoption. He says I won’t be a good mother. He says he’s too emotionally damaged to be a good father, and it’s my fault. Everything is my fault. I don’t want to give our baby up. Abortion was never an option, in my mind. I can’t carry a child for nine months, feel it grow, and feel it kick. I can’t have a baby be a part of me and give it up. I can’t give up a piece of me. I can’t give birth, be in labor for hours, and feel the pain of my baby. I can’t give all of that love and just give it away like nothing happened.

May 29, 2012

I can’t do this alone. I can’t be a single mom going to school and work and still having the time and energy to take care of a kid. It’s not fair to bring a child into this situation. He’s right. I need to give our baby to a couple who will be able to give it everything I can’t.

June 6, 2012

My mom got me the number for Graceful Adoptions. I called them today and spoke to owner Karen Nissley. I told her I wanted to give my baby up for adoption. She asked me about my situation and what led me to decide to call Graceful Adoptions. I cried as I told her everything. I explained to her I really didn’t know anything about adoption. I just knew that if I was being completely honest with myself, my baby deserves better than what I can give him at this point in my life.

July 25, 2012

Today, I have decided I am going to keep my baby. I never wanted to give my baby away. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I want to look at him every day and tell him that I love him. I can feel him fluttering around in my belly, and I want to meet him so badly. I can’t wait to see the amazing boy he grows up to be. Already, I’m so proud of him, so proud to be his mom. I have so much love for this little being. I can figure out a way to make my schedule work so that he is the center of my life. I can still work part-time. I can take online classes so that I can be at home with him more. I’m not telling the adoption agency yet. I want to get everything set up and be absolutely sure I can keep my baby.

…. and then a month later

Aug. 14, 2012

Karen sent me three parent profiles a week ago. I like a couple named Kristen and Brian. I think they would be perfect for my son. They both have college degrees. They are very active and like to spend time outdoors. They are both very hard-working, but how do you judge what makes a good parent? What kind of questions do you ask that would make it easier to decide if these are the best people to raise him? Is it reckless of me to trust two complete strangers with my baby based on a four-page profile and an hourlong phone conversation? What if they don’t like me?