real life

The 5 people I would be friends with. If they were real

Liz Lemon.

Big-wig movie-makers and TV top-dogs love the term “girl next door”. She’s essential to most shows. Like eggs to a sponge cake – without them, most will flop. She’s smart, fun, pretty. We want to be her best friend. We understand her. She would understand us … if she was real. And we can dream … and in my dream, these are the women I want to call my ‘bestie’.

1. Liz Lemon

“I want to go to there”. Liz, Let’s hang out in your office at 30 Rock. Or your apartment in NY! We can talk about bad hair days, retainers and pick out your best ‘sperm donor options’. I love your loyalty, your confidence. Most of all, I love your vulnerability. Because Liz, you’re a really honest version of most women. Jack Donaghy describes you best:  you’re a “a NY third-wave feminist, college educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says ‘healthy body image’ on the cover and every two years you take up knitting for a week”. Most of all, you’re successful, smart and fun. You’re the woman most of us dreamed we’d be … or rather not be … nevertheless, we thought of you. And here you are.

Ps. Let yourself love Jack and be done with it.

2. Elaine Benes

There’s nothing better than whinging about the world with you and Seinfeld, Lainey. You’re intelligent and hilarious … and oh, so superficial. And sometimes, we all need a friend like you to make us laugh. And dance. Sometimes life really is full of complicated decisions like which men are ‘sponge worthy’. Hmm. But in the end, I don’t know if we’d hit it off, you seem like a ‘male-friends-only’ kinda gal. But that’s okay. I won’t talk about nail polish names or how expensive Scanlan & Theodore is etc etc. We can just sit and eat Jerry’s food on his comfy blue couch.

3. Dorothy Zbornak

Doesn’t the Golden Girls theme song say it all, “Thank you for being a Friend”. Oh Dorothy, I wish you were there to council me through my self-centred “Blanche-style” meltdowns and my vague “Rose-style” moments. You’re the voice of reason. I love your strength, your sarcasm. You’re my rock. (In a fake, um, pretend way).

4. Kelly Taylor

Now, Kelly, there’s no denying you have a reputation for being a bit of a slapper at 90210. Afterall, you dated the whole cast – Brandon, Dylan and (eek) Steve! But geez, you’re a beautiful girl with a heart of gold. And anyway … to the point … if you’re not dating Dylan anymore and if over the past few years you’ve managed to poison Brenda … can you, um, give him my number? That’s what best friends do for each other! (I mean giving out numbers, not poisoning each other … but whatever works).

5. Nina Proudman

Nina, you have perfected the ‘internal monologue’. Never have I truly been able to articulate the panic of words that fill my brain when I’m stumped … until Offspring. You have helped me understand that … I’m normal. Sort of. Life in 2011 is hectic and you handle it so beautifully. We all need a friend like you to get us through.

Here are some of our favourite fictional characters, who are some of yours?

00:00 / ???