On Saturday afternoon, my boyfriend decided it was the ideal time to mention that we were both invited to a very fancy birthday party. At 8pm. That evening.
Needless to say, I had nothing to wear. There’s an excellent Caitlin Moran quote I usually recite to myself in such situations:
“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear!’, what she really means is, ‘There’s nothing here for who I’m supposed to be today.'”
But for this party, I literally had nothing to wear. Like actually nothing. It’s not that there wasn’t anything that suited who I wanted to be, it’s that there wasn’t anything at all.
For a fancy party, I definitely needed a dress. And I only have two dresses. One I had worn to the last fancy party, and the other I had worn to a fancy party years ago. But there were photos. Lots of photos.
It would be like one of these ladies re-wearing their iconic movie dresses. Except not at all, because I'm not famous, and my dress wasn't that memorable. But still.
CURSE YOU, FACEBOOK.
It was then, sulking in a pile of TERRIBLE clothes, that I had an epiphany. WHY isn't there an app for this? It's 2000 and GODDAM 16. We have an app for choosing baby names. We have an app that matches people based on the types of burritos they like. We have an app for logging your poop. Why isn't there a clothes-sharing app? Like Uber, but for clothes?
We need an app that's a mixture between eBay, Tinder and Uber. You create a profile and upload pictures of whichever clothes you're willing to lend. With sizes, obviously. Then, just as Uber tells you how far away your ride is, and Tinder presents you with profiles from within a certain radius, this app would show you which clothes-lenders were close.
And you could contact them, and pick up an outfit. Not tomorrow. Not in a few hours. But NOW. You'd then return it by a mutually agreed upon date.
Admittedly, my app knowledge is very limited, and there may very well be such an app. But I don't know about it. And let's be honest, if I don't know about it, it's probably not good enough.
This scene from The Internship is the perfect representation of my knowledge of apps. Post continues after video.
Upon sharing my (genius) idea this morning, I realised there are many Zuckerberg-esque app ideas within the Mamamia office. So here are some of the apps we'd like to see invented.
Okay, so that is a terrible name for an app. But we're not in the business of naming apps. We're in the business of inventing them.
Anyway, Create-A-Meal (Jesus, we really need to change that name) randomly generates a cuisine that you can cook or order online. Like Tinder, except instead of potential partners, you're shown potential cuisines. 'Thai'. Swipe. 'Italian'. Swipe. 'Vegetarian'. Swipe. 'Indian'. Swipe. 'Japanese'. OOOOO. Na, swipe.
No, you can't have both. You have to choose. The app says so.
Then you customise your choice. You choose if you want to cook or order online. If you press 'Cook', you're given a number of categories. Once you select one of those categories, the app generates a recipe. Yep - IT GENERATES A RECIPE. If you're lazy like me and press 'Order', it'll show you where the closest places are to order from. And connect you to Menu Log or Deliveroo or somewhere that will bring you your food.