I feel like a bit of a fraud.
I have prided myself in writing a blog that is heartbreakingly honest – you will definitely cry with me, but in-between I promise you will find yourself laughing.
I have documented what it is like to plan a wedding when you are also planning your death, my fear of leaving a widow behind and my desire for my husband (Serge) to sit in the corner the rest of his life and mourn me (I joke… kind of), I have spoken about the hilarious things people have said to me, and the list goes on.
What I have probably become most known for is my realistic approach to dealing with terminal cancer and my ability to just keep on going.
I know I am going to die of melanoma and realistically I probably don’t have years left. I have never considered travelling the world to chase that miracle cure. I have never hoped for a cure. I hope for time.
My approach has largely kept me sane and I have not thought it would change, or even falter.
Today things are different. Today I feel like a fraud. I do not feel like the person I have been ‘selling’ to my beautiful and dedicated Dear Melanoma community.
Today I received my scan results and the news wasn’t great. There is no getting around the fact that I am slowly not responding to the treatment that has been keeping me alive for over two years now.