Dear Everyone Going To The Tennis,
First of all, I like you. You’re sporty, you’re fun, you’re there out of love (love, geddit? Tennis pun #1). Maybe you live in Melbourne and are making the most of it, or you’ve travelled here to sit in the crowd and whip your head from side-to-side. Either way, I like you.
Most of you. With one large, infuriating exception.
The people wearing tennis gear to watch the tennis.
What you doing, fool? Do you also wear football boots to the footy? Do you wear ballet tights to see Swan Lake? A saddle and stirrups to the Melbourne Cup?
I can’t figure it out. I can only assume that you are there, waiting in hope that a panicked announcement will come over the loudspeaker: “Ladies and Gentlemen. Quiet please. The Number 7 seed has called in sick, and Mr Federer needs someone to play against on the centre court. IS ANYONE WEARING TENNIS SHOES?”
Or, perhaps, you might think you’re more likely to get past security and into the locker rooms? I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch Nadal
in the shower get ready for his match?!
Some people just take it all a little too seriously (clip via Fandango):
Maybe it’s because you just like to look as though you know tennis stuff. You walk around in sporty shorts and pulled-up socks, loudly saying words like “deuce” and “forty-love”. You know, the same kind of person who laughs extra loud at the cinema, so that everyone knows he understood the joke.