'I'm offended by my fiancée's pre-wedding request. Am I just being stubborn?'

For some, the lead up to a wedding day is a messy path of stress, over-zealous planning, ridiculous requests and the haemorrhaging of money.

But for one groom-to-be, it’s become defined by an interesting request from his soon-to-be wife.

Posting on Reddit, user TA180219 says he “loves” his fiancée because “she is beautiful, kind and intelligent” and all he has “ever wanted from a woman”.

“We have been together for six years, friends for three years before that. I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, so I proposed in January and she made me the happiest guy ever by saying yes.

“But yesterday Lucy asked me if I could do just one ‘small’ thing before the wedding – whiten my teeth.”

Reddit user TA180219 explained that when he was a teenager, he fell and hit his face on a curb, breaking a few of his front teeth.

What can you do with your old wedding dress? Post continues after audio.

“My dentist managed to ‘save’ them, in the sense that I still have my original teeth, but they no longer have nerves and darkened a fair bit afterwards.

“I’m not going to lie and say that I love the fact that my teeth have darkened, for photos I tend to keep my mouth closed, but they have become a part of who I am now (16 years later) and I’ve always thought that if someone can’t accept me the way I am then screw them. But I love her, and I want to make her happy.”

He went on to say this “request” is “not new”.

“Lucy has brought the subject up before and I’ve always point blank refused, I gave excuses about money or said that I couldn’t understand why she didn’t just accept it. It’s been a while since it was last brought up though.


“And, as I said, we were friends before we got together and I knew her type always had dazzling smiles of pearly whites, and she has always prided herself on her own smile.”

His soon-to-be-wife, he says, thinks getting his teeth whitened will do him “good”, and he will wonder why he hadn’t done it sooner.

“I probably would like it, but the procedure isn’t guaranteed to last and I may need to have it done again in a couple of years. And also I may hate it, I might feel like I’d given up on or lost something.

“She hasn’t threatened to break up with me or anything like that, the wedding will still go on, but I can’t decide whether or not to do it. Our finances are better now and it’s a small drop in the ocean compared to wedding costs, but I still feel like she shouldn’t ask me to do this. I thought she’d get over it.

“Am I just being stubborn? Or would I be giving up a fundamental part of myself?”

Commenters were gentle, but overwhelmingly on the side of Lucy.

“I don’t think your fiancée wants to change you in any way and I think you’re over thinking this. You weren’t born with those teeth and it’s a smaller step to getting back their original look than you think. Other than potentially needing to refresh the procedure, what might cause you regret?” one posed.

Another pointed out he admitted he wasn’t happy about his teeth and can’t smile for the camera, so what does he have to lose?

“Your attitude about accepting you as you are is spot on, but you also admit to adjusting your smile for the camera.”

What do you think? Is this a reasonable wedding request?