It happens in the blink of an eye. One minute you're holding their hand to cross the road, the next they're asking if they can walk to school with their friends or catch the bus on their own.

When my kids (aged 12, nine and seven) were younger, the hypervigilance required to keep them safe felt like a full-time job. But now they're getting older and my eldest has started high school, it feels like I'm entering a new role with a completely different job description.

I'm constantly torn between wanting to keep my kids safe, and wanting them to grow into confident, capable people. They want independence. I want peace of mind.

And I know it's not just me — many parents are struggling with how to get this push and pull right. That's why I spoke with family psychologist and podcast host of Raising Teens, Collett Smart, who works with families navigating exactly that. She told me this tension is both normal and necessary.

"We're trying to hold the tension between letting our children develop and grow, and build their resilience, while also keeping them safe with boundaries that are age appropriate."

Why letting go feels harder than ever.

According to Collett, part of the challenge is the world we're parenting in today. With 24/7 news cycles and algorithms feeding us stories about violence, online risks and tragic tales, it's no wonder we're anxious about letting our kids loose in the world.

But we need to resist letting our anxiety turn into overprotection.

"Healthy concern feels supportive and builds skills," said Collett. "But overprotection can create doubt and anxiety in children if they're never allowed to try things or make mistakes."

So independence isn't just about giving kids the freedom to ride their bike around the neighbourhood with their mates, it's actually helping them build their decision-making, problem-solving and confidence.

Tech to take the pressure off.

If you've heard about location-sharing apps like Life360, you might not be sure how they could work for your family. But Collett said the way they're used matters far more than the technology itself.

"Like all technology with our children, it needs to be modelled and used in a supportive way," she explained.

When used openly and collaboratively, location sharing can actually increase independence, because it gives parents confidence to say yes to new experiences.

With real-time location sharing and place alerts that notify you when someone leaves or arrives at a location, you can ditch the texts asking "Did you make it okay?" and put your mind at ease in real time. No more panicked calls or feeling like an overbearing helicopter parent.

Taking the time to establish trust.

This kind of location sharing can put our minds at ease, but the last thing we want is for our kids to feel like they're being spied on. Trust is hard won and easily lost, and it goes both ways. So Collett said the first step is an honest and open conversation with your child.

"You don't install anything on your child's phone without them knowing. You talk about it. And you have the conversation around it being mutually beneficial."

Building trust and sharing how it will benefit you both will look differently depending on how old your kids are.

For younger kids, it can be reassuring to know they'll see when you're on your way to pick them up. With tweens, it might open a conversation about how this technology helps you feel more comfortable as they try new things. And for teenagers, it's about giving them control — letting them decide when or how to use it, whether it's for specific outings, events or even when they're starting to drive on their own.

Reassurance, not surveillance.

If you do decide to use location sharing, Collett said it's essential you aren't constantly watching where your kids are or questioning their locations and choices.

"They know you can see where they are. If you question every little thing, it breaks down trust."

Because healthy boundaries mean showing your kids they have the capacity to make their own choices, and knowing where your kids are is ultimately about safety, not surveillance. If your child isn't sure how they feel about using a location sharing tool, invite them to look at it with you together, and figure out what makes you both feel comfortable.

Ultimately, this could be their ticket to more freedom, rather than something to keep them stuck.

Encouraging independence.

Like every milestone in your child's life, change happens gradually, and independence grows through small things every day.

Encouraging independence could look like letting kids organise their own social plans, giving them age-appropriate responsibilities, and asking 'What do you think you should do?' instead of problem-solving for them.

"Our parenting slowly shifts from doing things for them to coaching them and allowing them to do things on their own," said Collett.

Setting boundaries also starts with the things that matter most. Collett said to keep it simple and focus on boundaries that will give your child a solid scaffolding to fall back on when they're gaining independence. This might be boundaries around sleep, physical health and screentime. And the boundaries you put in place for your child to be independent out in the world will grow from there.

A circle of trust.

Even with the best laid plans, life happens. You get stuck late waiting to pick up one child from choir practice. Or you need to make a stop at the shops for last-minute dinner supplies. Your other child misses their usual bus and isn't at home when you're expecting them. A traffic jam adds half an hour to your journey.

Having a trusted circle of family members on an app like Life360 means there's no need for frantic phone calls or catastrophising.

Because when they're okay, you're okay.

Download Life360 for free.

Featured image: Getty.

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH Life360

Parenting can be a rollercoaster but Life360 helps smooth out the ride. With features including Place Alerts and real-time location sharing, you can stay connected without sending 100 "where are you?" texts. Providing you with peace of mind and the kids with independence. Because when they're ok, you're ok.

Download Life360 for free today: https://www.life360.com