HEAR YE, HEAR YE.
It’s Tuesday. And you know what we all need on a dreary Tuesday? Celebrity news. All of the celebrity news.
Why? Because we deserve it, god dammit.
Here’s a round-up of the best entertainment and gossip news from the last 24 hours…
1. Taylor Swift gave quite an R-rated speech at her best friend Abigail’s wedding
A cheeky guest at Taylor Swift’s best friend’s wedding has gone rogue and leaked the pop star’s speech online.
We’d be mad on behalf of bride Abigail Anderson, but we’re too damn busy delighting in the raunchy words Swift shared in front of hundreds of people.
In the leaked recording, the 27-year-old singer recalls a ~sexual~ story about Anderson and her new husband Matt Lucier.
“She’s running after him, there’s falling, there’s stumbling,” Swift says.
“They make it to the bathroom and… I can hear sounds that I can never, ever unhear… and then there’s silence.”
The recording cuts out, but not before viewers are treated to a shot of the newlyweds basically wetting their pants with laughter.
Ahhhhh, ‘sounds that I can never unhear’ coming from a bathroom with two people in it. Sounds like every university party in existence, actually.
2. Here’s a completely guilt-free peek at Roxy Jacenko’s “one million dollar” Birkin bag collection
Sometimes, you just really want to gawk at the exorbitant wealth of others.
Like the many luxurious possessions owned by PR entrepreneur Roxy Jacenko, for example.