real life

"How to keep a man" and other depressing ads on my newsfeed.

Thanks social media, thanks.

Social media isn’t always a nice place.

Sometimes, it’s because of evil keyboard warrior trolls. Other times, it’s because of the perfect life that someone close to you seems to have.

And sometimes, it’s because it hits you with “suggested posts” that are so bloody insulting you find yourself immediately clicking to try and work out how the hell this depressing suggestion happened on your news feed.

Or because against your better judgement, you’re slightly interested in finding out more.

Like, how do I catch AND keep a man? Thank goodness I had this helpful post to tell me:

Of course, I learned a lot!

Like that if I was serious about catching (and keeping) a man, I simply had to make one easy payment to self-professed “man expert” Christian Carter of $37.97 for his ebook and audio.

Sadly, as I don’t have a sugar daddy funding my very existence, I of course couldn’t afford this (oh, sweet irony!).

I guess I’ll never know how to tell if he’s a player and what to do about it.

Nonetheless, this very specific use of Facebook’s targeted ads did draw my attention to other such advertisements that are directed at me because of my perceived gender, relationship status, interests.

Like this helpful nugget that came to me on Instagram:

I can’t say that I’m in the market for breast implants, but I sure am grateful that the clever marketers out there think I am and are willing to give them to me for only $5990!

Of course, it’s not just me.

Many around me also encountered targeted ads that weren’t so helpful.

Like, a friend who got ad after ad promoting protein powder, but hasn’t worked out a day in her life and vehemently hates protein powder.

Or, the friend who is constantly given suggestions for contact lenses, but doesn’t wear glasses.

But it’s not all bad.

Thanks to the help of cookies that track your online use and probably know everything about us down to the smell of our vagina (because who HASN’T Googled that?), ads do occasionally get it right.

One friend was forever grateful for Facebook’s helpful suggestions of things she could watch on Stan and Netflix.

Because Doctor Who is always a good idea:

No matter how they are helpful or not though, one thing is clear.

I have changed my mind and I definitely want breast implants.

Damn it, you clever marketers.