Pour yourself a mango daiquiri and take a seat pls.
We need to discuss a matter of national significance.
What followed was a wave of national mourning.
The hashtag #PutYourMangoDaquairisOut began trending.
People started slathering fake tan on their pale, wintery bodies, then they gathered around their local pools to discuss their feelings.
If you listen really carefully you can still hear the distressed screams of ‘What about the banter?’ echoing through the city streets.
And now we need to add insult to mango daiquiri injury.
It seems Tara may have already moved on from Sam.
You see, last night Tara posted something on her Insta story. Something so scandalous and so foreboding, it raised my investigative journalist hackles.
The thing Tara posted on her Insta story was a video of an unknown man, who is approximately 25-35 years old.
The unknown man is around six foot tall and he has medium brown hair. He was shirtless in the video, so I can tell you on good authority that he seems to be in possession of a six pack.
The unknown man also appeared to be eating food in... in... Tara's kitchen.
Anywho, the plot thickens.
In the video pertaining to the unknown man, Tara used the kiss-y face emoji and also the lil' pig emoji. In addition, she captioned it, "CAUGHT".
Like any good investigative journalist, I sent the photo to the lab for analysis and the results were... interesting.
The lab found that any man eating food - shirtless - in a woman's kitchen on a Sunday night in July could very well be a... boyfriend.
Adding to this, the lab found the use of the kiss-y face emoji means there's at least some level of intimacy between Tara and the unknown man.
The results on the pig emoji were... inconclusive.
So there you have it, either Tara
definitely maybe possibly has a new boyfriend or she has a friend, brother, cousin, next door neighbour's sister-in-law's son, who was eating some food in her kitchen last night ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.