From: Loani Arman ([email protected])
Sent: Weds, 12 August 2015 2:57:15 PM
To: Tampons ([email protected])
It’s time to break up.
I remember the first time we met. It was the 90’s, I was 11, and my mood ring had turned a miserable shade of grey because I had just gotten my first period. My Mum handed me a huge box of you, and after some trial and a lot of error, I finally worked you out… or so I thought!
I had seen the ads and thought that by using you, I would spend my period days dancing around in a white dress or riding a horse on the beach – no red stains in sight! I would look like a model, have really attractive friends and a gorgeous boyfriend, and be laughing so much that PMS wouldn’t dare come near me. My period would be fun with you by my side!
Of course, I soon realised that periods are about as fun as having teeth pulled and that you could never ‘cure’ me of menstruation.
How much blood do you actually lose during periods? We’ve got you covered.
There was nothing that you, or your friends Pads and Panty Liners, could do to stop the bleeding or slam the brakes on the emotional roller coaster that I would ride every month. You could never convince me that I didn’t look like a bloated whale or a pre-pubescent teen with a zit explosion. You could never ease the headaches, the heart aches, the back aches, the womb aches, or the ‘my entire body has been stuffed inside a blender and is now collapsing out of itself’ aches.
What you could do though, was keep me clean and healthy, and help me fight the war against stains.
For over 20 years, you have been by my side: storing yourself in my handbag, my bathroom, my spare bathroom, my Mum’s bathroom, my gym bag, my fridge, my boyfriend’s car, and my work desk. We’ve been to Mexico, Indonesia, Guatemala, New Zealand, Japan, Dubbo and Gosford together, and you were even there when I got engaged.