I have just been informed that I have spent 29 long years eating my food completely and utterly... wrong.
Not just wrong. Rudely wrong. Bad-table-manners-offending-strangers wrong.
Apparently there are rules for how ‘ladies’ should eat (just ladies. No word on whether men have to follow them), and I break all of them. EVERY SINGLE DANG ONE.
School of Affluence founder Anna Bey has shared her dining etiquette advice in a 10-point YouTube list, and I feel uncomfortable about the word affluence but okay.
Watch some of the 'rules' below. Post continues after video.
She tells me that "an elegant lady would never be caught doing these things at a restaurant".
"Don't be one of those!!!" she warns and oh.....dear.
I am one of those, Anna.
Rule one: Never place the wine glass in the wrong spot.
According to Anna, aka, my new etiquette coach, if you have a water glass it sits on the outside of your wine glass. And you have to put it back in that same order after every single sip.
Anna, I can't. I just can't, okay? That's simply too hard.
I have no further comment.