sex

'I'm in love with my best friend's husband. And she's in love with mine.'

It’s a wintery Wednesday afternoon and I’m sharing a sneaky wine with my bestie before domestic duties consume us both. We’re giggly, talking too fast and excited for the weekend ahead. 

Friday is a kid free night - hallelujah for babysitters. This means we will have dinner, a few drinks, some party favours and have sex with each other’s husbands and quite possibly with each other. Yep, this is my life.

So how did I get here? 

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Looking back, I think I always knew monogamy wasn’t for me. It just didn’t fit very well. I was never completely loyal, and I had a mischievous side to my sexuality that I wanted, almost needed, to explore. 

Luckily for me, my husband was much the same and after six months together we were looking for a single female to join us for a threesome.

Much to our surprise, the days of looking in the classifieds section were a thing of the past.

There were actual websites where you could set up a couple profile and put yourself out there with what you were looking for. 

I was so naive to this whole world I named our original profile after my beloved dog, not realising that’s how everyone would address you. 

Unsurprisingly, Brutus was not too popular. Despite our less than sexy start, within a week, we had a single not to mention gorgeous ‘unicorn’ on our doorstep and in our bed. What an initiation! 

She was amazing, considerate, and oh so experienced. So, with that ticked off our bucket list, we delved headfirst into the unknown world of ‘swinging’.

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Now, before I get into the whole swinging ‘scene’ as we like to call it, I need to expel some myths. Firstly, we do not put keys in a bowl, ever - in fact, truth be told, we hate to be referred to as 'swingers'. 

Secondly, we do not want to sleep with everybody. There are websites, apps and functions for meeting like-minded people. We are sexual, we are not sexual predators. 

Thirdly, I am not in an unhappy marriage; I am very in love and find it a turn on seeing my husband with someone else. 

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Fourthly, we are clean, very clean. In fact, it is probably safer to meet someone in a swinging environment than on Tinder, safe sex and respect are paramount - always. 

And finally, it’s not just for hairy, overweight, bored married folk looking to spice things up - trust me I have met and ‘played’ with more than a few damn fine-looking people.

The next three years were spent meeting people and having many varied experiences, some good, some not so good. 

Some people we played with just once, some more regularly or some people not at all.  

Dinners, drinks, parties, weekends away, clubs; we were making the most of our free weekends and meeting some amazing people and lifelong friends. 

We learnt a lot about ourselves, each other and our relationship. It kept life exciting and we were comfortable with the rules and boundaries we had in place to protect what was sacredly ours. 

It was all about fun and sex with no one catching feelings and nothing developing further. That was all about the change.

As it usually goes, we had agreed to meet a couple we had been chatting with online for some ‘get to know you’, ‘do we want to get naked together’ drinks. 

They were local, a little younger than us and new to the scene. In fact, we were the first couple they had met. 

With this being their first encounter, I took my time getting ready, expecting a last minute, 'sorry we can’t make it' text. 

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But they turned up as promised. 

More to my surprise they were both attractive, I mean, smoking hot. Again, forever being the pessimist, I was awaiting the mysterious phone call which was code for 'we are just not that into you' and we need to get home for 'a family emergency'.

There was no call.

Fast forward two years and here we are, for lack of a more accurate description, in a relationship with another couple. 

Well, in secret at least. Let’s face it, the world isn’t quite ready for this kind of lifestyle. 

Also, we broke the cardinal rule of swinging; we fell in love. Was this scary initially? Absolutely! Though I can honestly say that watching my husband fall in love with someone else, while not conventional, was a really beautiful thing.

While this sounds all very selfless, it's not. I was falling for another man at the same time and the fun and excitement of that was like a drug I couldn't get enough of.

We have stumbled across unchartered often difficult territory, but the mutual attraction is undeniable. There are lows, fights, disagreements, heated discussions, debates, tears and many a sleepless night. We’ve hurt each other, said and done things we regret and seen each other at some of our worst moments. 

All too often we’ve wondered if it’s worth it and if we are doing more damage to than good, but oh the highs! When it’s good it’s so good, and this alone keeps us hanging on. The sex is amazing. 

It is constantly changing and evolving, new people come and go, and while this was initially terrifying, it gets easier to share them as time goes on. 

For me whoever I am with outside our inner sanctum is just sexy fun and doesn’t change how I feel about them, if anything it makes me appreciate them more. 

How long can it last? Does it have to end at all? 

Only time will tell but for now I’m going to enjoy this crazy ride and be thankful that I’ve stumbled upon this rare connection, after all, isn’t that what life is all about?

 Feature Image: Getty. 

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