Dating is a difficult, mucky business. I know this even though I haven’t been on a date for a quite some time due to marriage. After years of hanging out with old farty couples, suddenly a bunch of my friends are newly single and reporting back from the frontline so I’m armed with all sorts of fresh intelligence…..
And the news is surprising. Besides technology and the advent of the cougar, not much about dating has changed since I was single. It’s still awkward and exhilarating and frustrating and nerve-wracking and perplexing all at once.
I was not a natural at dating. Never liked it much. At one memorable point, I was forced to implement a ‘no alcohol’ rule for first dates. This is because the purpose of a date is to discover if you have chemistry with someone. And after a few drinks? You have chemistry with EVERYONE. Even the waitress. Even the waitress’s dog. Everybody is witty and sexy, especially you. And this is a problem. All that faux chemistry can make for some confusing false starts with people who should never have made it past “Thanks, nice to meet you, goodbye.”
Soon after I took alcohol off the menu, I decided to broaden my definition of date to include meals other than dinner. Like breakfast. Less temptation to drink. More natural light. And many more plausible ways to press the eject button other than “I have an early meeting so I really should head home…” Thank God I met my husband soon after commencing breakfast dates because one morning at 8am, floundering about in a big bowl of Stilted Conversation with a pleasant but socially dysfunctional guy, I found this was going to be harder than I thought myself wondering how to discreetly order a glass of Pinot to go with my banana bread. It was either that or stab myself in the hand with a fork just for something to do.
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Oh Gini
Even though I wouldn't wish the self-startler on anyone, I was so releived to read that someone else had had a relationship with one of those. Earlier this year, I was seeing someone who self-startled through almost four months until he self-startled through his break up with me - he seemed determined to come out of it as the "nice guy"... Its not a nice feeling especially as this was the first "relationship" I'd had since my divorce four years ago!
Good on you for hitting the dating scene again.. not sure whether I can face it again!
As a young, single gal I can relate to the cringe-fest that are first dates. I am also much too well aware of the Self Startler's. How would you feel if your boyfriend's entire relationship with you was Self Startled? If everything he ever said was merely an attempt to convince himself that he actually really wanted you and loved you. Hard to believe, right? Welcome to my current state of confusion. It's a hard way to deal with a broken heart.
Current disbelief aside, I have been on many shocker dates where the guy has been even too repulsive (cruel, but fair), to even be offered a Pity Pash. Where the sight of their mere mouth alone encourages a gag reflex. Some of my more memorable experiences include a very fierce breathing into my ear (this was deemed very sexy by they guy)to which I felt momentarily deaf and in quite a lot of pain! Note to all sexy ear breathers out there: if you wouldn't appreciate an air gun in your ear, then I would advise against this wooing maneuver.
In high school I went on a date with a guy who was extremely shocked by the fact that I was wearing makeup. He couldn't seem to grasp the idea that 18 year old girls wear makeup on first dates.Perplexing, yes. But I do feel for the guy. He was trying so hard to impress me that he didn't know how to bring up the fact that he was still carrying my handbag for me.(I gave it to him to hold while I did up my shoe, and he carried it on his arm for 2 hours - bless).
A date with a DJ saw me enduring hours of his endless grinning at me and very awkward silence. Things got even more awkward when he told me his mother was a lesbian.
A set-up date with a guy (who is now a friend of mine) carried on my tradition of bad dates as when I told him I hadn't really had any lasting boyfriends, he replied with, 'why? Do you have deformed genitalia or something?' You can imagine my horror to that one... I think he ended up trying to throw a stick in a hole for half an our afterward while I sat there trying to think of an exit strategy.
Just a few bad date stories for you to enjoy. Guess there will only be more to come seeing as I am newly single again. Cringe?