“Successful.” It’s an easy word to use. It puts women into a box of being focused, independent, ambitious and all the stereotypes that come with it – some positive, some negative. Briefcases, long-hours, constantly-straightened hair, and an absent or invisible personal life.
Most of these images are false. Mashed together by assumptions and Hollywood cliches (please, no one’s hair is constantly straightened).
But, when it comes to relationships, one expert, EJ Love, reckons that these stereotypes can often also be the reality: Successful women can often find themselves in unsuccessful relationships.
“I was married quite young and I played a provider role. I supported my partner financially and it ended up being a very toxic relationship,” EJ told Mamamia.
“After that relationship, I didn’t want a strong connection with anyone. Then, five or six years ago, I made the decision to start looking at patterns. To analyse how I was showing up. I’ve always been very focused on my career and I wanted to know; how was that affecting my relationships?”
Osher has some advice for a girl who keeps falling for the same crappy guys. Post continues below.
After spending several years working on herself, EJ turned her focus to other women. Female entrepreneurs, in particular. In her experience, she says she found “women who are successful often attract relationships that aren’t successful.”
“These are strong, independent women living on purpose,” she said. “They can provide for themselves, they’re in control of their own lives. They definitely don’t ‘need a man’ the same way women once did.”
OK, this is a pretty big generalisation to make, so let’s unpack what EJ is saying. For her, it comes back to that word; control.
“It’s often a generational thing. If a woman sees her mother, even her grandmother, are career women, or ‘wearing the pants’, it’s normal she will learn these lessons growing up,” EJ said.