sex

People share hilarious stories from when they lost their virginity.

Do you remember the time you lost your virginity?  Were you crippled with anxiousness and embarrassment?

It would appear that Hollywood has given us a completely unrealistic concept of what sex is like, and thus precisely none of us were prepared for the awkwardness that sex would bring.

When an AskReddit was created proposing the question, “What surprised you about sex the first time you had it?”, the answers were, as always, brilliant.

“It was way less amazing than I expected it to be. In the movies it’s like this huge event and you are forever changed after” shared user LittleGamerBrat. “In the end, the only movie it was like was Forrest Gump where he gets tired of running. ‘I’m feeling pretty tired….Guess I’ll go home now.'”

And then there was Dapharaoh, who had this to say: “Some girls’ step dads don’t like to find you on top of them.”

Oh…

So here is a list of just a few of the things that none of us were expecting when we lost our virginity, according to the hilarious responses from Reddit users.

The sound.

“The ‘clapping’ sound.” – jb4674

“The vagina likes to make sounds similar to flatulance while it’s wet. And there ain’t nothing you can do about that.” – _Goose_

Sex is exhausting

“How tiring and sweaty it can be, the first time I was not prepared to end up feeling like I’d just run a 40km marathon through Mordor.” – Maestro_01

“How completely exhausted you are after. If someone came at me trying to murder me right after sex I would probably just lay there and be like whatever.” – bjbinc

The cleanup.

“No one ever talks about after-sex cleanup. Bodily fluids are everywhere, yet women on TV usually just get up and walk normally to the bathroom.” – ThatTattooedChick

“How messy it could be. All the sweat and body fluids spilling around.” – arvs17

How…awkward it is.

“How awkward it was. Also, that I didn’t orgasm. I just assumed that was guaranteed… I was so, so wrong.” – Terrariangel

“Some have amazing sex the first time, most don’t, me included. Especially me, most sex was at least a little awkward for almost two years (was not properly erect, came waaaayyy to early or, rarely, not at all) with three different partners.” – DingDongDideliDanger

LISTEN: An anonymous person asks: my partner chokes me during sex, what should I do? Post continues after audio.

Expectation vs. Reality

“My initial reaction was, ‘this is it?’ For all the hype surrounding it I expected a lot more from it.” – kiky23

The pain. Oh, the pain.

“My first time was so physically painful that my legs were shaking uncontrollably and I couldn’t speak.  The second and third times were pretty brutal and as bloody as the first (I wasn’t on my period).  The forth time it started hurting less and less each time and then I’d say the 10th time was the first time that it was enjoyable.” – mamaneedsstarbucks

The, um, choking.

“She didn’t know I was losing my virginity. Getting asked in the middle of humping to choke her out was something I was completely unprepared for.” – Flux_State

“Only been with two women in my life, both wanted choking.” – paigezero

The intimacy…or lack thereof.

“This may sound stupid, but the intimacy of it was a part I didn’t even consider until it was happening. The entire act of taking off our clothes, and holding each other blew me away.” – Cioran_

“The non romanticness about it. It was just, ugh ugh ugh splooge. Not very intimate and a little disconnected.” – Aaaaaaaandimdone

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