I recently decided to list my daughter’s bassinet for sale. A Moses Basket and timber stand to be specific.
It’s an incredibly pretty ‘piece’ that I naturally thought would look Instagram worthy in a nursery among shadow boxes, garlands and quotable prints.
Only thing is – it wasn’t very practical.
It doesn’t have wheels you see. So it was of no use to the baby who, for the six months she has so far spent on the outside, has steadfastly refused to sleep. She could have done with a good set of wheels on her crib for a bit of rocking and rolling action if you know what I mean. My back would have appreciated that also.
She’s also a chucker. All day, all night, all the time. Chuck Norris, Vladimir Spewtin – she has a few nicknames. The lovely, breathable cotton lined basket cover, which could do with being an inch or 20 larger, was therefore not a practical choice. Unless my husband and I wanted to continue swearing at each other and pulling muscles trying to remove and replace it at all hours of the night (think trying to get a sleeping bag back into its bag and you’re close).
You get the drift. Pretty, but not practical.
Anyway, after deciding ol’ Moses wasn’t for us and in a bid to clear some space, I decided to list it for sale on Gumtree and also share with my nearest, dearest and random acquaintances on Facebook.
I didn’t realise that by listing a bassinet for sale, it was an open invitation to discuss my future fertility plans.
Perhaps I should have realised it was. My mistake. Silly me.
“No baby 2 anytime soon?” Said one of the comments
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It isn't being precious. As the mother of a two-year-old, I went back to work after some holidays and of course with my body's usually outstanding timing, I was in the middle of miscarrying my second pregnancy. The three different people that asked me over the course of that week whether I was going to have a second one didn't mean to be hurtful. But they were. Very much so. Similarly for my dear friend who spent 5 years trying to fall pregnant before finally succeeding with IVF: every time anyone asked about her plans for children she would be so cut and have to will herself not to start crying in public. And those are just two examples I happen to know about. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of women who could add theirs. It shows a significant lack of empathy and sensitivity to tell women in these kinds of situations to 'get over it'. They shouldn't have to, and they wouldn't if others simply thought before they spoke. The author of this article may not fall into that category, but there are plenty of women who do. You just never know how much your throwaway comment or casual question can hurt someone, so better keep it to yourself.
We should all know by now how difficult fertility can be for some people. Goodness knows there's been enough publicity about it. Other people's reproductive plans and struggles are NOT your business. Have the common courtesy to refrain from asking questions unless the person brings up the topic themselves. It's not about being precious. It's about respect and sensitivity. It astounds me that there are so many people who appear not to understand that basic concept.
Talk about precious. Is there anything we ARE allowed to ask these days?? And shave your legs when your child's asleep. Seriously, it's not that hard. Why does everything become a drama because you've had a child - and before you ask, I have five.