I remember when I first started having feelings for my now husband. The stronger the feelings got, the more I fought them. After a rough divorce a couple of years prior, I was done with this whole love thing. I was perfectly content with my personal romance with cynicism, and I wasn’t going to allow anyone to get in the way of that.
But Philip was different. He wasn’t just different from any man I had ever dated, he was different from any man I had ever known. He was selfless, and patient, and never once did he pity me. No matter how weak or pathetic or defeated I felt at that stage in my life, he saw my strength and my light, and I wanted so badly to see myself in the same way that he saw me.
When you know your partner’s the one it’s an amazine feeling (Post continues after the video)…
I kept pushing him away, and giving him reason after reason not to be with me. From the very beginning, I aired all my trash, all my flaws, all my drama – I put it right in front of him, sure that he would run. But he stayed. And he embraced the hard stuff, the really, really sad stuff, the complicated and the exhausting – he embraced it all.
After a while, when I was secure in my feelings for him, I introduced him to my children. We never showed any affection in front of them, not even holding hands or hugging. In my kids' eyes, Philip was just another friend of mine.
A few weeks after he met the kids, I had a particularly hard night. I was sick, and my three-year-old woke up in the middle of the night throwing up all over the carpet, which, of course, woke my five-year-old up, who screamed and cried in exhaustion. We were a mess, all three of us. It was one of those single-mum moments where I thought I would go insane. I looked insane, probably smelled insane, and my head was pounding from all the screaming. I was trying to calm my children and clean up my daughter and the carpet, and I thought, "Why would any man sign up for this?"