“You and I are women who have shared a love for the same two men.”

You and I are both women who have shared a love for the same two men. The same two men who are the apple of my eye; my husband and my step-son.

While time has changed the role in which you play in my husband’s life you will always be the mother of his son – and that is a very special role indeed.

You and I did not plan to be in each other’s lives. I did not plan to raise another woman’s son and I bet you did not plan on sharing your son with another woman. But even the greatest plans do not always work out. So here we are facing a long future together due to our common bond.

You and I have both watched this little man grow through his first year. We have both been there to soothe his tears, his fevers, and his teething pains. We have both been there to enjoy his beautiful smiles, first teeth, and growing skills. I know we have both shared these moments in different settings, in different houses, and at different times; but they were significant for us both.

mother and son

You and I share parts of his wonderful life. Every precious late night, early morning, or sleep deprived moment that my step-son cries for me I am so grateful I can be there. When he is clingy I do not get frustrated or wish he were not in my home. Not a morning goes by where I do not wake in search for his face and voice, only to realise he is with you, his mum. As much as I would love to keep him full time, I know in my heart that what is best for him is to spend time with his whole family. It takes a tribe to raise a child.

You and I will both continue to be there for this little boy as he grows into himself. While we will never be each other, and he will never have two birth mums; I believe he is blessed to have two strong females to lead him through this world. I will never replace you as his birth mum in my home, but you will never replace me as his step-mum in yours.

Advertisement

You and I so far on this journey have not been able to be friends. It saddens me that you are not willing to accept me as part of your son’s life. Sadder too that you choose to strike out against me even though my step-son is still too young to understand. Not every human was designed to be best friends, throw in our complex situation and I can empathise that it is more difficult than others. But as adults I feel we need to move on; not just for us but for our little boy.

You and I do not have to continue on this current path. I want to love you and be able to enjoy your presence in my future. I will never be able to thank you for the joy your son has brought to my life. I pray that I never live up to the picture of a horrible step-mum you have painted for me.

love heart in hands

You and I have many years ahead of us in this journey. My step-son’s sister is due to be born in just 4 months. Our children will be raised together in one family, but not in one home. I hope that if you read this you are able to know that I offer you love and an open hand to hold yours.

You and I are both mothers who will hopefully also be good friends.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION
FROM OUR NETWORK