1. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.
2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.
3. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.
4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.
5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Kmart alone.
6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.
7. Showering is a major accomplishment.
8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.
9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds.
10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for.
11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.
12. On the way out the door, You look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.
13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.
14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.
15. You have invited Jehovahs Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after asking if they’d like a dirty martini.