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"I'm sorry Bradley Cooper, but there are three things about A Star is Born that just don't make sense."

Note: This article contains spoilers for A Star is Born. 

This is your chance to… leave.

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This post also deals with suicide, and may be triggering for some readers.

When I walked out of the movies after seeing A Star is BornI couldn’t fault it.

The tears had been slowly drawn out of me for the better part of two hours, until that goddamn dog had me full-blown ugly crying. Then there was the song. And the brother. But mostly the dog.

As I’ve processed the film, however, and discussed it relentlessly for several days, I’ve come to the point where I can admit something: it wasn’t perfect.

EXCEPT IT WAS.

But no really, there are flaws in every piece of art, no matter how powerful.

BUT BRADLEY COOPER.

I know. I know.

Gradually, I’ve parted with my idealistic love, and come to the conclusion that there were three things that didn’t quite make sense about A Star is BornI noticed them during the film, but didn’t want to talk about them because doing so might hurt the gods who are Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.

But now, I’m ready.

It’s super unclear what era the story is set in

While there are several hints that the 2018 version of A Star is Born is set in modern day America, there’s a strange reference to a significantly earlier time.

When Bradley Cooper’s character Jackson asks Lady Gaga’s Ally whether she writes her own songs, she says she sometimes writes on a typewriter, which seems to indicate the film in set in a time pre-computers.

Later, however, Ally’s on-stage performance with Jackson becomes a hit on YouTube, implying the story is taking place in at least the last decade.

Some further research suggests that the ‘typewriter’ line may have been a nod to Lady Gaga’s personal songwriting style, as fellow songwriter Julia Michaels told Harper’s Bazaar Lady Gaga pulled out a typewriter to co-write the film’s song, Heal Me. 

BUT THIS ISN’T COMMON KNOWLEDGE.

WHO WRITES ON A TYPEWRITER IN 2018.

There’s no way Jackson could’ve performed Shallow from memory

The night after they meet for the first time, Jackson invites Ally to one of his concerts, before pulling her on stage to sing her very own song.

Even though this is arguably one of the best moments of the entire film, I was struck by a niggling doubt.

Jackson had only heard Ally’s song Shallow once and she wasn’t… finished. She was literally writing one of the verses while she was with him. She also had no recording of the song (a. because she was missing a verse, and b. because she allegedly writes her songs on TYPEWRITERS) so it doesn’t make sense that in less than 24 hours, Jackson could have remembered the entire song, word for word, taught his band the music, and somehow ensured that he would harmonise PERFECTLY with Ally during her first ever performance on a massive stage.

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Sorry.

I know it’s a movie.

But pls.

Listen to Holly Wainwright, Rachel Corbett and Leigh Campbell debrief on A Star is Born. Post continues after audio.

Couldn’t she have given him a USB? Or sent him a voice file? Or something that would make it semi-believable for him to confidently ask her to sing a never-before-performed song on stage WHEN SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE INSTRUMENTAL ARRANGEMENT.

How did each of them know where to sing? How did she know she was doing the ‘HAR AHHH AHHHH AH AH’ bit?

It’s a… problem.

How… did the dog… get outside

This is important, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

At the end of A Star is Born, Jackson and Ally’s dog, Charlie (who belongs to Bradley Cooper in real life), has a particularly crucial role.

In a sequence that made me feel equal parts sick and sad, Jackson feeds Charlie a cooked piece of steak, locks the front door, and chooses to end his own life. The scene ends with Charlie sitting outside the garage, presumably waiting for his dad, who will never come out.

Once the tears have subsided, however, there’s a question that remains: how did Charlie get outside? Jackson clearly locked the front door, and was exceedingly protective of his dog.

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HOW.

Was there a dog flap? Can the dog open doors? HOW?!

It seems petty to point out such small flaws in an otherwise remarkable film, but there’s no reason we can’t acknowledge that while brilliant, no creative endeavour is perfect.

In A Star is Born, Bradley Cooper has created a story we can’t stop talking about. And that is the true sign of a masterpiece.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, please seek professional help and contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. If someone is in immediate danger, call 000 immediately.

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