This post is so hard to write… once it is written I won’t review it. I just can’t … *deep breath*
My husband, Jonny, and I prepared for over six months before we got pregnant. Based on advice, we did every test and pre-pregnancy preparation we thought we needed to give us the best chance for a healthy baby.
On 11 March 2017, our planned for, very loved baby girl was born. We called her Mackenzie and she was pure perfection. I have never felt happier and more at peace with life. It seemed our lives had fallen into place.
Mackenzie was our second baby, we miscarried our first baby early in the pregnancy. This meant Jonny and I spent all of our pregnancy with Mackenzie worried we would miscarry again or that she would be stillborn. When she was born we breathed a sigh of relief. She looked perfect.
The hospital’s paediatrician checked Mackenzie and told us that she looked good but had a slight heart murmur. They said it was likely to fix itself, but she would need to be checked at around eight weeks old. The news terrified us, but we tried to put it to the back of our minds for those weeks. When she was examined at eight weeks, we learned it had fixed itself but something much worse was waiting for us.
Jonny and I had ten blissful weeks with Mackenzie before our world fell apart.
When Mackenzie was ten weeks old I took her to a lactation consultant because I was concerned that she finished each feed by crying. The consultant said that there was no problem with her feeding but mentioned that she seemed ‘floppy’. My initial thought was, “No, she isn’t, she is perfect.” Then the nurse pointed to a baby boy on the change mat next to Kenzie and said, “He is about 10 weeks old and that is what she should be doing.” When I looked, I saw that this baby was on his tummy and had pushed his chest off the ground with his forearms. My stomach sank. I knew something was wrong. Kenzie didn’t do that.
I practically ran out the door cuddling Kenzie close to my chest. I kept thinking that it must just be a lack of tummy time. I told myself, ‘It will be ok, it will be ok.”
We had just moved to a new house and so we didn’t know any of the doctors around the area. So, I quickly drove to the nearest medical centre and made an appointment. The doctor that I saw didn’t alleviate my concerns. She immediately called around trying to find a paediatrician. The very fact that she was trying so hard to get us an appointment quickly made me even more concerned than I already was. But she couldn’t find anywhere that could take us in under a week.
But I couldn’t wait for a week. I ended up calling another paediatrician I had heard about. Like all the others there was a long wait for appointments, but after I burst into tears on the phone to reception, they squeezed us in for an appointment two days later.