As you would’ve well heard by now, Sophie Monk and Stu Laundy have broken up. If you haven’t… are you OK? Are you, alive?
The couple, who became official when 44-year-old Laundy beat out Jarrod ‘Who Pissed in my Pot Plant?’ Woodgate to win 37-year-old Monk’s heart on 2017’s The Bachelorette, has confirmed they are indeed, no more.
SURELY NOT, we cried. SURELY NOT.
But alas, after an unnamed ‘source’ close to the pair blabbed about how Monk and Laundy’s relationship had “naturally run its course” on Thursday night (ugh), The Bachelorette herself announced the news on Instagram in the early hours of Friday morning.
“I don’t know how to explain this because it’s an unusual circumstance to be in…” Monk shared with her 473,000 Instagram followers.
“But because I entered this relationship so publicly, I know I owe an answer to Australia about my personal life.
“I went into this experience looking to settle down and start a family. I gave it the best shot I could and my intentions were everything I said I was looking for, but unfortunately it just didn’t work out.”
Among the very mature and reasonable glass-half-full sentiments around not being afraid to find love, there’s one line we’d like to highlight in particular:
“There were no contracts or pressure to stay together whatsoever from anyone.”
Why would Sophie bring this up in her statement preemptively?
Let’s look a bit closer. Because, you see, the timing of their breakup actually smells rather… fishy.
We used a two-pronged approach to investigate the highly likely but also entirely unfounded theory that perfectly explains why Monk and Laundy chose today of all days to announce their split.
One prong is dutiful journalism. The other, wild speculation. Let’s start with the latter.
If you take a look at your calendar, you’ll note that today is the 26th of January. (And no, that’s not the dutiful journalism bit).
But if you cast your mind back to that fateful night we found out Laundy had won Monk’s heart back in 2017, you’ll find it was the 26th of October. That’s exactly three months since they became ‘official’.
Not three months and two days, or two months and 27 days. BUT THREE MONTHS EXACTLY. You guys, this could be the biggest coincidence of all time… Or it could be the sign of a ‘secret contract’.