After banging on about magic dust and mansplaining the entertainment industry to SOPHIE FREAKING MONK, Sam’s booting on Thursday night’s episode of The Bachelorette came as a surprise to precisely no one.
Except for maybe Sam himself.
Speaking to KIIS FM’s Kyle & Jackie O Show on Friday morning in a standard post-mansion interview, the 31-year-old ‘voice over artist/actor’ made some fairly predictable claims about how his time on the show went down.
If you thought the arrogant boasting about his lack of ambition was attractive, brace yourselves.
LISTEN: Mamamia’s Bachelor super fans share their thoughts on Sam on the latest episode of Bach Chat (post continues after audio…)
Putting his elimination down to Sophie’s cans, the recent evictee seemed to think the feedback he got about, you know, pointing out a woman’s breasts in a public setting were unfair.
“I talked about tits,” he told the radio co-hosts when asked what went wrong, adding, “two nights before that I was running around naked and my package was mentioned and my balls and my schlong.”
Sam also made a point of mentioning that, guys, Sophie did kiss him after the first of two ill-fated double delight rose dates, we just didn’t see it. Right.
— Kyle and Jackie O (@kyleandjackieo) October 12, 2017
“They filmed it, they just didn’t show it… I think she kissed [James] on the same episode, so they, you know…” he said, implying the producers edited the episode to protect Sophie’s, uh, reputation?
However, after spending minutes slagging off the woman he was supposedly really into, little did Sam know said woman had been listening in from what we can assume is a tropical paradise in Thailand.
Taking a moment out of her holiday to put Sam in his bloody place, the 37-year-old Bachelorette shared exactly why their kiss wasn’t aired.
“Holy crap, I don’t think he thought I was going to listen to it,” she told Kyle and Jackie O.
“What happened is, I gave him a rose and pecked him to be polite, and he said ‘Can I have a peck?’. I said, ‘That was a peck…’, and then he grabbed my head and kissed me and made me feel really uncomfortable. If they cut it out, that’s why.”
The actress and media personality also squashed any claims she’d commented on Sam’s ‘package’, adding, “I don’t know what he’s trying to do. Probably the same thing he did on the show, trying to be famous.
“The whole time he made me feel uncomfortable. He was always performing for the cameras… He didn’t even look at me half the time.”
Because this is The Bachelorette we’re talking about, Jarrod’s pissy pot plant got a mention too. Which, for the record, Sophie 100 per cent thinks Sam sabotaged.
While we can’t confirm Sam and his man bun went on the show purely for fame, it’s certainly looking that way. Which to be honest, is completely fine considering Sophie’s probably drinking champagne on a super yacht right now, sailing towards her happily ever after.