We need to talk about the quality of the kisses on The Bachelorette.

How awkward are first kisses, eh?

There are… so many issues. How do you know what the other person’s thinking? Which way do I tilt my head? What if the other person tilts the same way? And hands, where the bloody hell do I put my hands so they’re not creepy and weird?

Thankfully, most of us will never have to have these intimate moments broadcast on national TV. The same can’t be said for Sophie Monk, which is why we’ve decided to rate each of her smooches on The Bachelorette so far from horrific to least awkward.

Here are the results:

3. Ryan

NOOOOO. Image: Ten.

Maaaaate, this was real bad.

This folks is what happens when you try and go in for physical contact too soon. How soon is too soon, you ask? After your very first bloody question, that's how.

Lead up: .05/5

Could there be anything worse than telling arguably Australia's biggest bogan that your dream girl keeps it classy and doesn't swear? Have you even met Sophie Monk? Oh, but at least he saved it by saying ugg boots are so fine, but only if the woman looks hot while wearing them...

Execution: 1/5

No one asked for this kiss. Not us. Probably not even the producers. And especially not Sophie. The way she cringed before gallantly throwing him a scrap of a peck is evidence enough.

And what about how he swooped in out of nowhere like a magpie that spotted something shiny? Ryan, you COMPLETELY misread this entire situation and we're not sure you'll ever recover.

Hand placement: 2/5

At least they were both holding champagne glasses... if either one of their hands had been free, chances are this would've been even more awkward than it was.


Overall score..

This kiss should never have happened. We'll give it a 1/5 simply because two people's lips touched and there was candlelight.

2. Jarrod

Eh. Image: Ten.

Let's be honest... this whole situation was a lie. Shall we proceed?

Lead up: 2/5

This is kind of uncomfortable, but Sophie and Jarrod's kiss has a bit of a, erm, Stockholm Syndrome-esque vibe to it...

They were 'going to die'. He 'protected her'. She 'felt safe with him'. WAKE UP SOPHIE, YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, HE JUST SEMI-SAVED YOU FROM FALLING TO YOUR DEATH.

Execution: 3/5

This kiss was surprisingly seamless. So much so we were sure it wasn't really going to happen. But I'll give them props for navigating the no man's land between pinning rose on chest and lip-to-lip contact with minimal awkward eye contact.

It was very rigid though, which brings us to the...

...Hand placement: 1/5

Jarrod's feather-like touch hoovering over Sophie's upper thigh is the stuff of nightmares. Also, we're wondering how two people could swap saliva, yet still be seated so far apart. It was weird, but not in a haunting way.

Overall score..

Jarrod gets a 2/5 for trying, and because this kiss was mutual. We hope he remembers it, considering it is 100 per cent not be happening again.

1. Luke

While the overall standard of tongue action has so far been quite low, we deem Luke's kiss to be the best of a bad bunch. Hence, please enjoy it broken down in gifs.

Lead up: 2/5

When you're trying to be sexy... Image: Ten.

Yes, this was extremely awkward. But also, extremely realistic.

Everyone knows breaking down the first kiss barrier with a guy your body is seriously attracted to is a hard task, which is why this whole exchange is so endearing.

Execution: 3/5

Dat buildup tho. Image: Ten.

HE ASKED PERMISSION. Do people do this in real life? We don't know, but it really worked. There was tongue. there was passion. They went in for seconds. We're pretty sure this is the 'volcano' effect old mate Sam was talking about in front of Sophie's dad in the car...

Hand placement: 4/5

I like you. Image: Ten.

FINALLY someone used their hands in a way that wasn't horribly, horribly uncomfortable. Luke's grip on Sophie's thigh was very firm. That sounded weird, but it was enjoyable to watch.

Overall score..

As the winner, Luke's kiss gets an underwhelming 3/5. Thankfully for Sophie, there's still 20-something episodes to come.

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