The Overwhelmed Woman’s Guide to parenting, social media and the 'right kind' of boundaries.

"Parenting is a piece of cake," said no person ever.

Unfortunately, our little bundles of joy don’t come with a manual, and parenting is really the only job you take on with no training or experience. 

In the early days, you learn to navigate the sleepless nights, endless nappy changes, and teething pain. But you never feel completely qualified because the goalposts keep moving. As they grow up, the challenges grow with them.

Kids these days are growing up in a vastly different world to the one we grew up in. They have pressures that we simply didn’t have to deal with. 

My eldest daughter is now 13 and her sister is hot on the heels of becoming a teenager. Where I once used to exchange playground politics at the school gate, now there is one topic of conversation that dominates: social media. 

And with good reason — it’s a big issue.

I work as a social media manager, so I spend a lot of time creating and consuming content, but I wrestle with it in my personal life. 

It provides both a connection and a distraction. Through the exhaustion of early motherhood, I found great comfort in Facebook groups. Similarly, I turned to pregnancy loss support groups when I experienced multiple miscarriages. In these instances, social media was my lifeline. 

But I am also aware of the pitfalls. Too often I fall down a rabbit hole of insta-perfection (sandwich art and Pinterest-perfect parties, anyone?) and then there is the doom scrolling. 

As a mum of four daughters, I feel a responsibility to shield them from the social media drawbacks. I want them to use it consciously and teach them it can be a powerful way to find your place in the world if you curate your space mindfully. 

Research suggests that how we use social media is key to determining if it has a positive or negative impact on wellbeing. For example, active as opposed to passive social media use can be beneficial, as researchers at Australia's National Centre of Excellence in Youth Mental Health found. 

As a parent, helping your child navigate a healthy relationship with social media involves communication, trust, and connection. And it also involves boundaries. 

To give you a bit of a hand on knowing where to start, here are 7 ways to help ensure your child has a positive relationship with social media.

1. Set clear boundaries about social media use.

Social media is built for addiction, so boundaries are crucial. Social media apps are designed to mirror pokie machines, tapping into the “reward” centre in our brain that keeps us going back for more. 

Consider creating a family online safety contract so your kids know the parameters and guidelines. Encourage them to contribute so it’s a collaborative approach. This will naturally make them feel supported and part of the process. It’s less about rules and more about tools.

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2. Take note of which accounts they follow to ensure they have a ‘healthy’ follow list.

Periodically review your child's follower list and ask them questions such as: who is this person following you? How do you know them?

If the answers are "I don't know them" and "I've never met them," remove them from the list. Try to follow some of the same (inspiring) accounts.  

3. Model good behaviour and social etiquette.

From an early age, our children are watching and absorbing our behaviour. They are more likely to follow our actions than our words, so, as best as we all can, be sure to model the behaviours you'd want your child to follow.

Take regular social media breaks and enjoy screen-free Sundays. Insist upon no devices at the dinner table. And equally as important — if not more so — don’t allow devices in the bedroom. The use of computers, laptops, or any internet-enabled devices (tablets, phones, gaming devices) should be in a common area of the house.

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4. Try to monitor less and mentor more. 

It is certainly important to keep a close eye on what kids are doing online but even try the approach that is more a 'digital mentor' to help keep the lines of communication open.

Social media can be a wonderful vehicle for personal expression and inspiration. You gain access to a range of inspiring thought leaders, change-makers, activists, and role models. 

My eldest daughter is an aspiring ballerina. She lives, breathes, and dreams ballet. The online world has enabled her to connect with ballet dancers all over the world and to watch famous ballets streaming online. 

5. Discuss their digital footprint.

Digital footprint was not even a concept a decade ago. No one had been online long enough to build up a digital reputation. Your child’s digital footprint can be found in many places:

• Places they hang out online.
• Social media accounts.
• Content and images found in a search engine.
• Profile photos on social networking sites.

Digital trails are laid easily. And cannot be erased. Often, our kids' digital footprints begin with well-meaning and proud parents who overshare. Be mindful that whatever you post can be found. By your child’s future employer, even!

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6. Get Socially Savvy

Being socially connected is very important for the psychological development of your teen. Today, the online environment is where they forge and foster social connections. Teach your teens to:

• Speak up if they’re being bullied online.
• If it’s not a positive experience, scroll past or better still, unfollow.
• Be mindful of overconsumption. And remember contribution is important, too.

7. Is it time to take a break?

Always encourage your kids to be self-aware and reflective by asking themselves questions about their social media use.

• Is this sparking joy? 
• Am I just using this in a time-passing fashion?
• Is this making me feel inadequate?
• Am I falling into the compare and despair trap?
• Does it add value to my life? 
• Am I making meaningful connections here?

The online world can be tricky to navigate, but with the right guidance, support, and tools your child can have a healthy relationship with social media. It’s not something we had growing up, but we can help our kids to use it in a way that’s healthy, rewarding and fun.

Michaela Fox is a freelance writer, social media strategist and mum of four. She is also the Founder of Girls Thriving, an online platform dedicated to helping young girls thrive.  

Feature Image: Instagram: @notanotherslipperydip/Mamamia.