Technology has always worked overtime to make our lives that little bit easier.
Telephones were invented so we didn’t have to saddle up every time we wanted to ask our friends over for dinner.
Television remotes were invented to we didn’t have to get off our butt every time we wanted to flick channels.
And microwaves were invented because ~buttery microwave popcorn.
But as our phones get smaller, it would seem our brains are shrinking too: the latest technology is really starting to cross the line between ‘useful’ and ‘debilitating’.
In short, smart technology is making us really, really stupid.
Scientist Albert Einstein is rumored to have once said: “I fear the day technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.”
Whilst ‘idiot’ seems a little strong, I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I can’t remember the last time I attempted a double-digit multiplication in my head, or managed to navigate more than 500m of unknown territory without Siri holding my hand, in my hand.
But some of the latest inventions to hit the market will have you rolling your eyes in exasperation. If we keep relying on technology to micromanage our lives in every waking moment (and for waking up, and for capturing the moment) then we run the serious risk of forgetting How To Be Human.
Below is a complete list of the dumbest smart technology that is slowly but surely phasing out human life skills. Beware: stray too far and you might forget how to breathe on your own.
How to keep your fly from flapping open.
Something tells me that the inventors of NotiFly built this whole concept around its sort of clever name….which, incidentally, is the smartest thing about it.
To be honest, I can’t tell if NotiFly is a joke or not – but let’s play along with the bro-humour for now. NotiFly have created pants with an inbuilt sensor that detects if your fly is undone, sending a text message notification to your smartphone.
So uh….yeah. Yep. That’s where we are at in 2016.
How to stop losing your umbrella.
Kisha is a smart umbrella. No, it doesn’t whip you into the clouds à la Mary Poppins, but it does send you a text message if it’s raining. And it will send you another message if you stray too far from your umbrella, such as leaving it in a cafe or at work.
Or, you know, IF YOU LEAVE YOUR UMBRELLA AT THE FRONT DOOR WHICH IS WHERE EVERYONE LEAVES THEIR WET UMBRELLA.
Umbrellas are like ankle socks, bobby pins, or important pieces of paper: they are made to be lost. Relinquish them to whatever alternate universe they have flocked to, and never think of them again. *Whispers spell under breath*
How to brush your teeth.
Oral-B have released their ‘Genius’ toothbrush range, which connects up with a smartphone app.