Every time you leave the house with the kids, if you are not being nagged to buy slime, and wondering if the inventor of commercially marketed slime for children is satisfied with their gazillions of dollars at the expense of parents the world over… how do you even know you’re a parent?
Ah, slime. It once was a novelty that we only saw on television, at things like the Nickelodeon Kids awards shows and on It’s a Knockout. Now it’s everywhere.
Parents of the world, let us unite in loathing of this product, and the people who get $3 deposited into their bank accounts by slime angels every time the words “I just really need more slime!” are uttered.
So for this very reason, here are six things parents of slime-obsessed kids know to be true:
1. The need for new slime is constant.
Slime is freaking sold everywhere. At check outs, usually, perfectly positioned for purchasing pressure by the child for whom you're already in the shop buying stuff for.
The packaging is always colourful. It invariably promises something new; glitter, multi-coloured, a pony, whatever.
But it only promises one thing for parents: a fleeting break from being asked to buy more slime.
2. It costs you waaaay more than the $3 - $7 you're handing over.
The first time you buy slime, you think you're a great parent. You've bought your little poppet something they don't need, and the reward is a glowing little cherub.
But then, they notice that Chelsea at Hip Hop class has slime that glows. And, "it only cost $2.50!" And there's no silence until money is spent.
This pattern repeats itself every freaking time you leave the house, and before you know it, your child is an addict, and you're a slime enabler.