The 3 things people always say to solo parents, from 3 mums who have heard it all.

Parenting is a tough gig. Whether you have four kids or one, from babies through to teens, we are all constantly facing entirely unpredictable challenges. 

I never realised I'd signed up to clean up vomit out of the carpet at three in the morning, or that one day I'd have to explain to an eight-year-old why they are too young to watch Squid Game. 

Over the years, while my husband preferred to sleep, he was woken to join in the fun of raising our four kids. Often, he'd be the first out of bed in the morning, 'tagging in' so I could stay in bed and sleep. 

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But without a partner at home to 'tag in', solo mums face the same parenting challenges we all do... without backup.

It's no surprise they are constantly asked how they do it all by other mums who are terrified of the thought of doing it alone.       

So, here are the three things people always say to solo parents, according to three mums who have heard it all.

How do you do it all?

"You adjust to anything to provide the life you want for your children and yourself."

Solo mums know that things won't be 'perfect'. 

Perfection won’t make the kids happier or mum a better parent or person.  

Instead, they prioritise what’s important and make peace with the reality that other things have got to slide. 

What does this mean? It's okay for the kids to eat chicken nuggets or cereal for dinner if everyone made it through the day happy, healthy and clean. And a day off school spent in PJs watching TV is essential if it provides the kids with the comfort they need.

Adapting and adjusting is another skill solo mums rely on daily. It might look chaotic from the outside but bouncing from one urgent task to the next is unavoidable in dealing with the day-to-day juggle of work, kids, and the household on their own. 

What do you do on your weekends off?

"I envy your life - a weekend off from the kids? Any parties or dinners planned?"

When kids go to their dads for the weekend, solo mums are constantly asked about the 'fun' things they get to do while the kids are away. Their 'free' weekends are the envy of full-time mums without the 'luxury' of having a weekend off.

The reality is far from pedicures and pampering. Working full time during the week, solo mums spend their free weekend doing chores, housework, and preparing for the week to come.

Dinners, catching up with friends, weekends away, and spa days are expensive and time-consuming. Even if there were money left in the budget, they'd rather spend it on the kids. 

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When are you going to start dating?

"I can be a better parent without the complications and complexities of a relationship."

The intention may be well-meaning in wanting the parent to find happiness with a partner or to share the responsibility of parenting with another. 

With time already stretched thinly, a partner is far from their priority list. Their focus is on being the best parent they can be, nurturing their relationship with their children, and not missing their childhood.

Solo mums enjoy their independence and can be happy without a partner. And perhaps most importantly, they realise they can nail parenting on their own.

Instead of asking solo mums about their dating lives and spa days, they want us to ask, 'How can I help?' Not because they can't do it all, not because they aren't kicking parenting goals, but because it takes a village to raise a child. 

Solo mums may be fiercely independent, but they also really appreciate the support of others; carpooling kids to sport, helping out when kids get sick, and inviting the family to dinner to share a meal. 

Whether you are parenting with a partner or solo, the best way to navigate the crazy parenting journey is with the support and friendship of others. 

Angela Eves is a mum to four crazy humans and two even crazier golden retrievers. Requires coffee to function. Believes everything is better when coloured, from hair to walls, and anything in between.

Feature Image: Supplied.