There’s a scene in the classic movie Annie Hall where Alvy Singer and Annie Hall (played by Woody Allen and Diane Keaton) are flying back home to New York from Los Angeles, where Annie has had a wonderful time, and Alvy has had a terrible time.
They sit next to each other looking unhappy, until finally Annie turns to Alvy and says, “Let’s face it, you know? I don’t think our relationship is working.” Alvy replies, “I know. A relationship, I think, is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we’ve got on our hands is a dead shark.”
I’m a romantic at heart. I really, truly believe in love – to the point where I give people way too many chances and end up getting hurt worse in the long run. But the truth is, sometimes a relationship really is unsalvageable. Sometimes that shark really is dead.
Here are eight signs that your relationship isn’t going anywhere, and like Annie and Alvy, you’d be better off pulling the plug.
1. You don’t trust each other anymore.
In a healthy relationship, you’re not afraid to be vulnerable and share all the secret and scary parts of yourself. But if you and your partner don’t trust each other, then you won’t feel safe enough to do that. California-based psychotherapist Andrea Wachter told The Huffington Post that relationships are built on honesty and trust. “It takes time and consistency to build trust. That means being true to your word and authentic about your feelings and needs and whereabouts.”
If either of you has been dishonest with the other to the point where trust has broken down, it might be tough to get it back. And if you never really trusted each other in the first place, or one of you violated the other’s trust in a truly unforgivable way, it could be time to say goodbye.