By: D. A. Wolf for Divorced Moms.
Are you searching for signs that your spouse is cheating?
The days of lipstick on the collar may be passed, though that doesn’t mean you won’t catch a smudge of gloss, a whiff of Chanel, or find a ticket stub in a pants pocket that leads you to wonder. But chances are – what tips you off to infidelity is a technology trail or a behavioural one, and possibly a little bit of both.
Here’s an updated list of clues your spouse or partner is straying. It combines the best of the “classic” signs along with those afforded by our digital devices.
1. Change in behaviour.
Have the usual routines shifted? Do you notice he’s not playing tennis when he used to – or walking the dog or biking with the kids? Is he staying late at the office, sitting up at night in the kitchen, or ignoring regular commitments he’s always responded to?
There may be an excellent reason other than another person in the picture, but marked changes in routine are among the signs that your partner is sneaking around.
Listen: Osher Günsberg shares advice to a woman whose boyfriend is keeping their relationship quiet on social media. Post continues…
2. Sudden unavailability.
Beyond late nights at the office or on his computer, if your spouse is unavailable and no one seems to know where he is, you might want to raise an eyebrow. Sure, he could be planning your big birthday bash in Hawaii or Tahiti, but I wouldn’t count on it. And if you check with his friends and colleagues and note a hint of hesitation as they say he isn’t with them? More reason for your antennae to perk up.
3. Interest in personal appearance.
If your couch potato is suddenly working those barbells, and it isn’t in the wake of a physician’s admonishment, he may be sprucing himself up in order to catch – or keep – someone else’s eye.
Maybe he’s ditched the plaid boxers you made fun of for years, he’s grow a mustache (or shaving one off), or suddenly opting for hair plugs. A new interested party tends to make all of us more aware of how we look, and attentive to self-improvement in the looks and style department.
4. Acting guilty.
Is he showing up with the box of chocolates? An unexpected bouquet of flowers? Is your Honey home with gifts that are out of the ordinary, signalling guilt for something?
Guilt manifests itself differently in different people – in their speech, their mannerisms, their sleeping patterns, their behaviours – and most people do feel guilty when they’re cheating on a partner or spouse. If you know his “guilty face” or he’s particularly solicitous and it’s out of character, pay attention. It’s a sign of infidelity.
5. Change in sexual behaviour.
Are you doing the deed noticeably less often? Noticeably more often? Does he have a few new tricks, or seem reluctant to engage in the same activities he once enjoyed? Sure, maybe he’s been taking an online course in tantric sex (he’s planning ahead for that birthday surprise, right?), but an unexplained departure from your sexual routine (including protection) may mean enjoying activities elsewhere, or at least, considering it.