There is one thing all our worst relationships have in common.

“Beware the dizzying highs.”

This week, while Holly Wainwright, Rachel Corbett and I sat across from each other on Mamamia Out Loud, discussing how soon is too soon to get engaged, and if such a thing even exists, Rachel asked; “What’s the rush?” before offering perhaps the best dating advice I’d ever heard.

Four simple words; “Beware the dizzying highs,” are ones I wish I’d been told 10 years ago.

The worst relationships I’ve ever been in, and the worst I’ve watched unfold, are the ones that moved the fastest.

I thought of the guy who told me he loved me after two weeks.

The guy who said I was everything he’d been looking for, after only a handful of dates.

The guy who I went away with after only being together a month.

The guy I texted back and forth, 40, maybe 50 times a day, after only having just met.

I thought about the sleepless nights; was what I interpreted as euphoria actually anxiety?

I thought about my lack of appetite; was what I interpreted as excitement actually my gut telling me something wasn’t right?

Just about everything in our world teaches us that love falls out of thin air and hits us hard over the head.

You are overcome by infatuation. It’s almost like a sickness. You abandon all control and fall – with no real sense of where you’re going.

And perhaps the most dangerous myth we’re sold is that when you know, you just know. 

"When you know, you know," is a complete myth. Image via Getty.

It's no wonder it took me the better half of my 20s to realise the 'dizzying highs', the mad hurry, the insomnia and the infatuation, actually aren't features of love at all.

They are features of insecurity.

Good relationships don't need to overwhelm you, or throw your entire universe off it's axis. They do not make you insane.

Real love feels like comfort. And calmness. And safety.

You don't need to join your bank accounts after a few days together, or fly to Las Vegas and elope. You don't move in the next week or book a trip to Bali.

You don't feel that burning impatience to do it all right now.

The best relationships move slowly, and you wake up everyday realising you love them more than the day before.

And most importantly, you do not feel like you're going mad.

Actually, you feel absolutely and completely, just like yourself.