We all have our relationship woes – sure – but what are the tell-tale signs our relationship is about to enter a downward spiral? What of our own behaviours can be toxic for a marriage? And how can we see the warnings before we walk down the aisle with the wrong person?
Six Redditors have shared their wisdom now they and their partners have called it quits – and it might just help you tackle your own relationship problems.
1. You’re not sorry.
Reddit user ‘tanvanman‘s advice is short and sweet… don’t marry someone who is incapable of an apology: “Don’t ask me what I was thinking when I married the only Canadian who was incapable of saying sorry.”
Watch the Mamamia team reveal the moment they knew it was time for a divorce. Post continues after video…
2. “It’s all in how you disagree.”
“There’s no such thing as two people perfect for each other, and how you approach the friction is what either strengthens or eats away at a relationship,” says ‘Iliah‘. “This isn’t about being ‘nice’ or ‘not yelling’ – some people are very happy with each other but during tough moments kinda blow up.
“What’s poisonous is contempt and resentment. When you disagree, do you discuss the issue or the person? Is it, “I want sushi, but you want pizza” or is it, “You always want sushi, I never get pizza.”
“The latter phrase shows the person is the problem, uses absolute always/never language which pushes the other away, shows that someone is “keeping score” and thus not letting go of negative feelings (resentment), and a sense of blaming the partner for “causing” the pain and disregard for the partner’s desires (contempt).
"... this is all knowledge gained in hindsight. It took my divorce for me to see this, and see that I was contributing just as much bullshit as she was, and that nobody is really to blame."
3. Let's get physical?
For 'ProfessorD2', the reason the relationship was doomed was all to do with sex drive: "When I said sex once a month wasn't enough for me and she said, 'Yes it is'."
4. Pass the control, please?
For 'scnavi', her relationship was doomed when she discovered her husband's true, controlling nature.
"After we got married, he banned me from speaking to certain guy friends because he felt they didn't have the right intentions (because I'm the kind of gal who can be tricked into sleeping with anyone apparently). Then, he started controlling what I wore, what I listened to music wise, where I was allowed to go etc.
"Then he lost his job six months in and shit got worse. We moved back in with my mom, he refused to get a job. Every time I'd ask him if he looked, he would freak out. I was working 40+ hours a week, still cooking and cleaning and we were living with my mom. He stopped even sleeping in the same bed as me, and would play video games all night."
5. Don't go to bed angry.
"Disagreements, arguments, and fights went unresolved," writes 'captbadcock'. "And she liked to go for passive aggressive digs instead of resolutions."
6. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.
It turns out the Spice Girls were onto something... "All my friends thought I was making a mistake," writes anonymous.
Well there you have it, folks. What were the signs you marriage was headed for divorce?