"I am sick to f**king death of the Kardashians."

Kill me.

I cannot deal with any more ‘news’ about the motherloving Kardashians.

They are in my Facebook feed. They’re retweeted into my Twitter stream. They’re on the front cover of all the magazines in supermarkets.

I’ve never met them, and I regularly see more of their faces than those of my own family. It’s been going on for years, far longer than I ever thought they’d be a thing.


Me + Kardashian news = twitch.

Earlier this week, some video popped up during my morning scroll of social media, with the five K girls (or six? Or seventeen? However many there are) singing some birthday song they wrote for their ‘momager‘ Kris. It’s called ‘She Loves You’, and I puked in my mouth a little bit.

Watch the video here:

I’m sure the Kar-Jen-dashian-ers are a lovely family. Just like I’m sure all Hollywood families who exploit their privacy for money are lovely (pfft). I’m sure they spend most of their hard-earned income on charities and not shoes, and regularly donate anonymous sums of money to people who desperately need it, without filming each transaction in an attempt to show the Kind and Karing side of the K family.

Lol rofl smh etc.

Or not. They might be horrible. They might actually be blood-sucking vampires who feast on youthful victims under the dark cloak of night, which would explain their perfect skin. The thing is, I don’t care what they are like. It’s not my business.


I would love to just stop f**king hearing about them altogether.

I don’t mind celebrity gossip too much. It’s not really something I keep up with, but occasionally a celeb I haven’t thought about in a while will come across my screen and I will give their gossip a jovial little click. “Ginger Spice! I haven’t thought about you all year. How the hell are you?”

But I have no such luxury with Kim’s Krew. I don’t have a chance to miss them because they are constantly in my face. So how do I stop play-by-play commentary on their every mundane trip to the frigging market (or ‘lip-shop’ would probably be more accurate) popping up in my presence?

The solution does not fall to the media. The media post articles that people click on. That is their job, pure and simple. The reason so many websites have articles about the Kar-bloody-dashians is because of supply-and-demand.

So it falls to us.

We got this.

If you are also sick of constant updates every time one of the K-dolls sneezes, don’t click on any of their Krap. Let them fade into the background, like the Osbournes or the Beckhams. Don’t feel bad, the family will be fine. They have clothes to design, make-up to endorse, and salads to lunch on. We’ll still hear about them often, just a more bearable amount — like every couple of weeks, rather than Every. Goddam. Day.

If we make a conscious effort to not click on any news about them, their star will fade just enough that it stops giving me a daily headache. Cut off the oxygen to their flame, people.

Or so help me God, I will find a way to cut off their actual oxygen.

Just kidding, cops. I promise I’m not harbouring any plans to hurt a Kardashian or Jenner. Unless I see one more video of them singing, and then I’m not promising anything.


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