couples

"Don't judge me, but... I don't want to wear my engagement ring."

My partner just doesn’t understand.

I’ve been engaged for almost a year now. My partner and I have been together since we were in high school and always knew we would one day get married. We had everything planned out for our special day. The rings, the venue, the church… when it comes to those things we’ve always been on the same page.

So when it came to purchasing my engagement ring, I was very open with my partner about what I wanted. He’s in a very high paying job so it terms of choosing, he told me money is really no object. We went for a Tiffany ring. Two carat princess cut, surrounded by bead-set diamonds with the diamonds continuing down the band.

"My ring was everything I ever wanted." Image via iStock.

It was perfect. I love it, he loved it. It was the style I always wanted. The one ring, along with my wedding ring, that I would wear for the rest of my life. The ring that I would wear until I was old and grey and pass on to one of my children. Being so expensive we decided to take out insurance on it, in the rare chance it was misplaced, lost, or anything like that. I was never overly showy about it, I adored my ring but it was never about the price tag.

But of course those sorts of rings draw attention and lots of comments. Which was completely fine. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was what happened to me one day when I was leaving work. I got into the lift, it was late in the afternoon and there was another man in there with me.

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"What I didn’t expect was what happened to me one day when I was leaving work."

I wasn’t paying much attention but within the few seconds I was in there, this man pinned my arms up against the wall of the lift and told me if I didn’t give him my ring, he would cut my hand off. He had a knife, a large one. Hanging out of his pocket.

I didn’t even think twice I flung off the ring and gave it to him, my hands trembling furiously. I was in such a state that it fell on the floor. He grabbed it quickly and as the doors of the lift opened ran out. The ring was covered by insurance and the investigation of the attack is still ongoing. I’m trying my best to get over what happened and have been in therapy since. I’ve delved deep into wedding planning and focusing on the good things.

But I just can’t bring myself to wear the new ring. My fiancé insisted that we go for the same ring. So while I was a bit apprehensive about getting the same one, in the end that's what we decided on. It was always my dream ring and what I wanted, I figured that would never change. Except I just can’t bring myself to put it on my finger.

Both my family and partner don't understand. They've told me to put it in the past and to move on. That I can't live the rest of my life in fear that the same thing will happen. My fiance wants me to be proud of our engagement and to wear my ring with excitement. I do too.

Yet every time I pick it up I get nervous, clammy and feel like I'm going to be sick. I just can’t put it on. I don’t know what to do.

What would you do if you do if you were in the same situation?

This writer is well-known to iVillage Australia but has requested to keep her identity private.

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If you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email [email protected] with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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