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Shane Warne is on Tinder. We have seven tips for him to pimp his profile.

Great news for anyone on Tinder within a 160km radius of Shane Warne’s iPhone.

Warnie is on Tinder. And he’s up for some swiping.

In December, one lucky lady in Adelaide swiped right on Warnie’s face (for those not familiar with Tinder, that means she is saying ‘yes’ to making a match with him. It is not a euphemism for a sex move) and had a couple of nights of debauchery with the retired cricket star. And then sold her story to a magazine.

Sigh. You just can’t TRUST strangers on Tinder anymore.

King Shane. All photos from Shane Warne’s Instagram.

According to the in Woman’s Day, Warnie was an animal. “The night of passion included Shane asking her to stand in the corner in her high heels while he spanked her; him discovering erogenous zones on her body she didn’t know existed; Shane driving her wild with his own brand of foreplay; and him talking dirty to her and encouraging her to try a few ‘porno’ style moves,” said Woman’s Day.

Wow. There’s an image I’ll never be able to unsee. Thanks Horny Warnie.

Speaking of Shane Warne: The time he asked Twitter for dating advice.

Despite the betrayal, 45-year-old Shane is back on Tinder. That makes two of us, Warnie. Yes, I am a Tinder-ella. A few weeks ago I dived back into the app, because (and I don’t want to undersell this) it is the FUNNEST GAME IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. I highly recommend it to the singletons out there. You may meet a nice match, but more importantly, you’ll be able to laugh at a whole lot of dickheads.

I don’t have my match preferences set to an age bracket that includes ol’ Shane, but I am DYING to know what his Tinder profile looks like. Warnie, if you are reading this, I have a few tips. These are based on the many men I have found on Tinder. If you want to fit in, you already have a plethora of perfect photos on your Instagram account. This won’t hurt a bit.

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SHANE WARNE: PIMP YOUR TINDER. 

Tip #1. Every woman loves a man who takes a selfie. Nothing is hotter than narcissism. So make sure you include a few of your selfies from Instagram.

Shane posing for his camera.
Shane posing for his camera. Again.
Shane posing for his camera. And probably breaking the road rules by not wearing a seatbelt and using his phone (his caption said he was ‘bored in traffic’).

Tip #2. Please show me if you are intelligent. Do you even wear glasses?

Oh good, he is intelligent. And can duck face.

Tip #3. I like to drink. I would like to know if you like to drink.

Ten straws, two fingers, one reason to swipe left.

Tip #4. If you have met any famous people, make sure you include a photo with them in your Tinder profile. And point to them so I know they are famous.

There is definitely a cricketer in this photo.

Tip #5. Include photos of you with really hot women. That way, I know that you like hot women.

Thank God I don’t have to ask ‘Do you have a Superman costume’ again. Way more convenient to be upfront about it.

Tip #6. Please show me what your bed looks like. Does it even have mirrors on the ceiling? If so, you need to show me.

Just woke up like this. What of it?
Yessssss. Ceiling mirrors. What a relief.

Tip #7. To be honest, I don’t actually care about personalities and morals and that crap. Show me your body. Stat.

Suns out, guns out.

There you go, Warnie. Feel free to use my advice for a better Tinder experience. This way, you will match plenty of other douchebags on Tinder. However, if you want to actually get my attention, you should include the sexiest photo I found on your Instagram account. I would swipe right to this:

I’m suddenly feeling turned on. SWIPE RIGHT.

Best of luck to you, Warnie. It’s a jungle out there. Make sure you have your humour hat on. Happy swiping.

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