Warning: The following deals with sexual assault and self-harm, which may be triggering for some readers.
It’s tough out there in the dating world. Especially, I argue, when you reach your thirties.
The dating pool is smaller at this age, and we’re all bringing various-sized baggage to the table: heartbreak, ex-spouses, children, mental and physical health struggles or financial woes. However, for the most part, we keep giving it a crack. I always believed life is better spent with someone, and I still do. Even after what happened.
What I didn’t expect when I stepped into the world of online dating was being put in a position where my body — more specifically, my vagina — was used as an object, as if it was unattached to a being that had feelings, a voice, a right.
The guy and I had been messaging for a couple of days. One night, whilst I was out with friends drinking and having fun, he messaged me asking if I wanted to have a wine at his place. Liquid courage (and might I say here, dear reader, I was not drunk — just merry) had me saying yes, why not? I had been online dating for a few months by then, and I hadn't had any issues; just a few men who were not my 'ever after'. So, I felt what I would now deem to be a false sense of security and safety.
We had a glass of wine at his place, listened to music and then we started making out. I advised I don’t have sex so soon, and he said: "That’s fine." However, at some point during our make-out session, he turned me over and put his penis inside my vagina, unrequested and unprotected. I tried to say no, but I froze up. I think, deep down, I didn’t know what would happen if I said no.
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Next thing I knew he had shoved his penis in my arse and came inside me. He pulled out, went to the bathroom, and I used this time to leave.