real life

"If this is considered first base by teens today, then I would not survive as a teen today."

First base used to be so simple.

By ROSIE WATERLAND

When I was a respectable teen definitely not making out with anything that moved, ‘first base’ had a very specific definition:

If there was a tongue in your mouth that was not your tongue, then you had reached first base. Well done.

I personally reached this romantic milestone while on a camping trip. I was sitting next to a mildly attractive boy, when all of a sudden he took his gum out of his mouth and lunged at my face. “So this is first base,” I thought curiously, as each of my molars were prodded repeatedly with his aggressive, desperate tongue.

He awkwardly grabbed my left boob and started a little ‘squeeze and twist’ routine, which, while not entirely unpleasant, did make me relieved that his second hand was otherwise engaged with the gum situation.

The whole thing was… A little gross, to be honest. But at least I had done it. There may have been a lot of random saliva in my mouth, but at least it was done, you know? I could cross one more thing off the list of things that ‘EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD BUT ME!” had done. Like a total trooper, I had finally reached first base.

NO MORE OF THAT THANKS. Naked pictures only you pervs.

So imagine how ripped off I felt today, when I read that a study in the US Paediatrics journal has found that kids these days no longer consider tongue-on-tongue contact first base. In fact, you don’t even have to go through the trauma of human-on-human contact at all anymore.

Apparently, according to a lot of info from ‘the kids’ that it took a team of dedicated scientists to decipher, ‘sexting’ is now considered the new first base. At least, kids who engaged in sexting behaviour were far more likely to have actual sex some time in the following 12 months.

So, sexting is officially the new first pash.

You no longer have to trade saliva with a mildly attractive boy on a camping trip to say you’ve reached first base. All you have to do now is send a text.

Now, upon reading this shocking piece of information, all I could immediately think was “How freaking UNFAIR. Kids these days have no idea how hard things were back in my day! If I wanted to hit first base, I had to stick my tongue in someone’s mouth, damn it!”

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But then I read that the definition of  ‘sexting’ is actually sending a naked picture. You can’t just tap out “Oh baby, can’t wait to dry-hump you after a few UDL’s at Jonno’s party” and call that a sext. Apparently you have to send an actual naked picture of yourself in order for it to be ‘officially’ sexting.

So first base just went from a sneaky pash to someone having a full-frontal pic of your special place.

What happened to downing a UDL and going for a sneaky pash?

Shit.

That’s pretty intense, no? Trading naked pictures of yourself feels way more full-on than a quick pash with a boy holding his gum.

My best friend, who was sitting about three feet away from me during my first make-out sesh, had her phone out the entire time. You know why? She was playing snake. Because phones back then didn’t even take pictures. This was 2001, man. The fanciest thing a phone did in 2001 was have a blue screen.

I was nervous enough trying to navigate the random tongue in my mouth. I can’t imagine having to deal with dick pics and nipple shots.

But that’s where we’re at now, apparently. Teens today may not have to trade saliva at first base, but they still have to deal with a whole other set of unique problems.

The Paediatrics study found that, whether we like it or not, sexting among teens is pretty much the new normal. The fact is, if you had a sneaky pash back in the day, that means you would probably sending a sext if you were a teen in 2014.

So how do we recalibrate? How do we accept that sexting is happening – that sexting is now a common and normal part of sexual development – without letting today’s teens go crazy with the nude pics?

I have no answers for you. I can say that I’m bloody relieved I was born in the 80s.

So that’s that. Sext-regret is the new pash-rash. What a freaking stress out. For teens and parents.

You know what? I’m 28, and I’ve never ssaid this before, but I really feel like now is the time:

Things just aren’t as simple as they used to be.

h/t Jezebel

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