“Cum ci comme ça.” Mamamia reviews 'The Frenchman' sex toy.

On the hunt for a new sex toy? Unsure what to go for and whether or not you need a newly fandangled suction element? Well, BREATHE. Because the Mamamia sex toy reviews are here to help. We get real women to get real intimate with real sex toys and then tell us about them.

This week Kiera, who is a 26-year-old living in Australia, reviews 'The Frenchman' - a super soft tongue vibrator by Happy Collective. This whole brand is super playful and all of their toys are named as such. They have the Tennis Coach, The Ballerina etc. but this particular one is named after what it aims to do... give you a french kiss down there.

What does the sex toy claim to do?

It claims to be a super soft tongue vibrator that’s meant to mimic what it’s like to be eaten out. Yup - this pastel hued tool allegedly will replicate what it’s like to have a literal tongue down there doing it’s thang.

It says it is delicate and will mimic the ‘gentle touch’ you get from a tongue.

Side note: Watch men hilariously try and explain women's sex toys. Post continues after video. 

Video via Mamamia.

What was your first impression of the sex toy? (Just by looking at it)

Just from looking at it, I won’t lie to you - it looks like a shoe horn. You know those things that help you put your shoes on? Is that particularly sexy? No. Does it look like a tongue? Also no. But could you display it on your shelf and no one would suspect a thing? Absolutely. They would just think you have tight shoes that you need a little help getting into. 

The silicone is super soft and looks super flexible. I had never seen or heard of any sex toy like this and I was excited that this type of female pleasure was being championed in the sex toy world. 

I’m super into this type of foreplay so was super keen to be able to try and experience this during solo play too.


Image: Supplied. 

How much is the sex toy? And do you think it’s worth it?

$69.95 and er… of course it’s 69 dollars if you know what I mean ;)

I understand why it’s this price - it’s a really chic and classy sex toy. 

Sex toys and self-pleasure is super personal and so I can’t speak for everyone. Personally, I think it’s slightly too pricey for the feeling it created (or didn’t create) but for others, you might prefer this delicate sensation and it might be enough for you. 

What was it like using the sex toy? And how did it really feel?

As someone who’s just gotten into sex toys and had her mind absolutely blown the first time round (you can read my first time here) I guess I had high expectations. 

That being said, I also had an open mind and was curious to see what this toy could do for me. The ‘tongue’ part ‘cupped’ my vulva and created a very gentle sensation. 

Let me start by saying. The human tongue does not vibrate. I repeat, the human tongue does not vibrate. Try as you will, move it side to side and up and down, but it does not have a battery that’s powering it through your sexy session. So this vibrator uses some creative license I guess.

So, when using this sex toy, I had to use a lot of imagination to try and get it to feel like an accurate 'french kiss'. 


Image: Supplied. 

The vibrating tongue just wasn’t realistic enough for me, so I would have preferred just a regular vibrator because at least they don’t claim to be anything other than what they are. 

I didn’t orgasm, no matter how long I tried - the pulsation settings were just too.. weak. Yes, in the description of the toy it says it’s ‘gentle and delicate’ but if I want gentle and delicate - I’d just use my own fingers. If I’m going to invest in a toy, I want it to do something a little bit more intense. 

Even with the lube they recommend using with it - I still didn’t buy that it felt anything like legit oral sex

Describe the sex toy in three words:

Gentle, sensual and delicate. 

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What score would you give the sex toy out of 10?


This sex toy is best for people who want…

A light touch, a beginner sex toy or something that’s not too intimidating. 

Any final words?

Find yourself an actual Frenchman. 

Feature Image: Mamamia.