Image: Sex and the City
Sex: it’s all fun and games until someone’s vibrator gets stuck.
It’s easy to assume that sex toy injuries are something that only happens on those trashy, late-night ‘True stories from the emergency room!’ TV shows, or in the bedrooms of the most sexually deviant souls.
However, new figures suggest vibrators and other bedroom devices get lodged in civilian orifices quite regularly, at least in the US.
As the Washington Post reports, estimates from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System indicate the number of people who found themselves in the ER for incidents involving “massage devices and vibrators” has doubled since 2007. There was a particularly noticeable spike in 2012-2013.
In 83 per cent of cases, treatment has involved “foreign body removals”. So if you’ve ever felt awkward talking to your doctor about sex or bodily functions, spare a thought for those unlucky souls who require a more, ah, hands-on appointment.
Although most of the patients were simply treated and released from emergency, one quarter of cases required hospitalisation. Nobody died, however, and the fire department wasn’t needed for any of the incidents. Thank goodness.
The next big question is: who are these people having vibrators extracted from their most intimate areas?
The answer is actually quite surprising: almost 60 per cent of the reported injuries occurred to men around the 44-year age mark, while the median age of female patients was closer to 30.
Even more interestingly, the oldest man in the dataset was 85 and the oldest woman was 67 - confirming that getting on in years is absolutely no barrier to sexual experimentation. (And yes, that man was possibly someone's grandfather. Maybe even yours. Deal with it.)
There are all kinds of possible reasons for this spike.
Perhaps we're all just becoming a little more willing to explore different avenues in bed. Or maybe the ability to buy sex toys online, rather than having to venture into a store, is emboldening more timid types to place an order for sexy products.
However, as The Daily Dot ventures, pop culture might also be a factor - namely the enormous popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey.
It's been widely reported that since the first instalment of the trilogy was released in 2011, sex toy sales have boomed. And now we have more sex toy injuries taking place. Correlation or coincidence? We'll let you decide for yourself.
In the meantime, friends, enjoy your toys - but be careful at the same time.
Have you ever injured yourself in bed? Tell us everything.